we are all ruled by others in some sense

dominated by another i feel completed in another aspect of my misheviious and angry soul after all the attrocities ive commited in my heart and against someone else in this world that asked for help. it feels good to endure the same as what i inflicted perhaps as attonement or maybve more for i really enjoy these feelings fear and desperation silenece and subission forced and humilated beyond normal limits withourt the rights to respond. yet even with that i am not satisfied for my true hunger for it lays way too far from grip because as much as i want it to happen the distance is killing the hopes.
she is still truly a sweet master and treats me desirbly better then most ever would so for that i thank her and well if she perhaps treads this then shell see im darker and dirtier in head mind and spirirt then most would be willing to acknowledge but finally having given into deeper urges for control and for evil intent to be brought upon myself in some way this sadistic wish of mine can come true