Here are the every-day feelings of moi, a 25-year-old crossing guard with hypersensitivity and Social Anxiety Disorder.
So, I'm going into Voc Rehab in a few days and I'm scared. I'm mostly scared that my random test-taking skills will end up saying that I have really crappy reading comprehension and really good math skills, like usual. If that happens they'll probably stick me in something I'm not any good at. I'm an avid reader and really suck at math. I'm extremely creative and I hope that'll shine through in the tests I'll have to take. I know what I'm good at and I always have. The problem is, when the chips are down I tend not to even be good at the things I'm good at. I don't know if I choke under pressure or what but that's the way it is. It's kinda like having your car make a weird noise and then taking it to the mechanic and having it sound just fine. Anyway, I'm also scared that the only things I'll be able to realistictly do once I've completed my voc rehab will be things I can't stand doing. Like, I like to act but getting into groups and improv'ing makes my skin crawl. I know how to improve, I just don't like being set into groups. I know that improv'ing in groups isn't an actually profession, I was just giving an example. Anyway, what if the only options I have are things that I can't possibly do? That scares me, too.
Speaking of fears, those of you that know me know that I am randomly afraid of the Black Death. Those of you who don't know me are probably going "Huh?" or "What a freak!" right now. Because of my random fear I started writing about the Black Death. The next few journal entries I do on Gaia will be part of the story I've written about the Black Death. I think it's actually very good but I'd like some feedback. I tried to get feedback on deviantART but people on there seem to be self-centered and inconsiderate or for whatever reason just collectively ignore me. Anyway, I'll put the story up this weekend sometime.
Anyway, I guess you could say the only reason I'm on Gaia to begin with is so I won't shop my brains out. I have a spending problem (it's gotten pretty serious) and the only thing that seems to "calm" it is Gaia. I still shop when I go on Gaia but not nearly as much. I'll still try to paticipate more than I have in the past but you usually won't see me start a topic. You can find me in Towns regularly almost every day and I'd welcome company (while I gather fruits and nuts like a little squirrel). If you comment on my profile page I will get back to you within a few minutes unless I'm not on at all. Otherwise, it might be pretty hard to get to know me while I'm on Gaia. If you have a deviantART account it's easy, though. I'll try to be available if anyone wants me to be, I guess.