''You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone."

I heard this in grade school but never completely understood it till I got in high school.Almost every year in grade school,I spent recess and lunch alone.At recess,I'd just sit somewhere and wait for the recess period to end cause I had nothing to do and no one to play with.I had mostly guy friends but they were usually playing basketball.It felt like they had to make time to hang out with me at recess.The girls were ''fast''(trying to get boyfriends),unlike the dorky girl that played video games.I was that one puzzle piece that,regardless of how many times I tried,could never fit in.I felt alone and sometimes I'd cry about it at recess.And that hasn't changed ether.Some days,I feel very alone because I never go anywhere with my friends.Now and then,I cry about it.Then I'll feel better after awhile.I smile at them to hide the fact that I don't feel that they are honestly and truly my friends.We share common interests and joke around but I'm never completely in the conversations.I have to pretty much give my opinion when they aren't talking.Other than that,I usually don't care about peoples opinions of me.I have to be when I've been bullied in grade school and am still occasionally bullied in my last year of high school.I want to be back in Heaven,where I felt nothing but complete bliss and no one judged or completely ignored me like I'm not even there.But I know I can't kill myself cause I want to be a vet.Gaia is the only place I'm not judged and bullied(Maybe thats why I enjoy being online here so much).I forget about my problems and loneliness,if only temporarily and I look forward to it everyday.