I am a really dumb person.
I was just looking through old friends' journal entries for no reason at all (I dunno, I was bored) and one particular one really made me stop and think.
My old friend kanna, and one of the last posts she made on her account before she stopped going on gaia, had a sentence that talked about our friendship.
I had to stop and just read the sentence for a bit.
And then I realized that I was the one who made our friendship die.
I was the one who assumed that she didn't care.
I was the one with doubts.
And I stopped talking to her because I wanted to test to see if she would start a conversation, but the next time she did, it was three months later and by that time my assumptions had already been fed.
I just assumed that she didn't care by that time.
And really, there's no way to know because we couldn't hang out all that easily.
I don't know, but after I saw that one sentence, I had to reconsider a lot of things.
I still am.
Now I want to apologize, but I don't know how to go about it.
I feel like she'd just be annoyed or something.
I don't know...
I mean, I know we'll never be friends like we were before.
We both have different people we rely on and talk to now, but I still think I should try to mend this friendship.
I mean, she was my friend since kindergarten.
Why was I such an assshole?
I'd at least like to be able to talk from time to time...
I don't know what to do...