||Superbowl Weekend...Football & Models
This just might be the first post I've ever done centered around the Superbowl.
This actually has nothing to do with the game but moreso with the events that transpired throughout the weekend.
Friday - was kinda dry. I just woke up, asked Rob if I could use his car the next thing, set us a breakfast date and went to work. Come home after work and went to bed at around 2am knowing I had to get up early the next morning to ride to Rob's house, get his car, and use it for a few hours.
Saturday - was the big day, although I had no clue how big it would be until it was all over. So I woke up at 8am to do a small workout. Just two days before Ericka called me from KMM/Colby up in Trevose and tried to get in my in the office that Friday morning.
Now last time I told ya'll I got scouted by Patrick, the same guy that helped train usand apparently he didn't recognize me. I mean, I know I had a fitted on but damn. Ericka called me that Thursday to get me in that Friday. I was going to use to oppurtunity to try to get back in good graces and get a job with them but when I found out that they wanted me to come to Trevose I was like...hold up...let's try Saturday because I couldn't get all the way up there Friday morning and then be back for work on Friday. Mess. So I told her to put my down for Saturday and I would let her known if I couldn't make it. That same day I went over to the office in South Philly and talked to Ashley, the receptionist (we've become pretty cool now rofl ) and she was basically saying there was no really way I could get employed without scouting first. Then she proceeded to tell me how she scouted like...60 people in one. Yeah, I'm still not trying to do that.
So anyway, I did my light work out and left the house at like 9:22am to ride up to West. When I got to his house some lady was in the kitchen...some boy was on the couch...and I was just like...wtf is going on. But I just parked my bike, grabbed the keys and left. I got a little mixed up trying to et off 95 and onto the right street. It was my first time all the way up there sweatdrop and I ended up being a little late.
Ericka called to confirm my appointment at like....10:30am...the time of my appointment neutral But alas, I finally got there and had to wait a bit. Being as I went through scout training I knew somewhat of what to expect. I was expecting an open call kind of feel so I thought I'd just be able to slide into the orientation...but that wasn't the case. From what I understood they had an orientation for scouts going on...but as far as talent...after I waited about 20-25 minutes...I went straight to a 1-on-1 interview.
Walking through the office, it looked very nice, pretty posh and stylish and maybe even bigger than the South Philly office (although I had never been upstairs in the South PHL office. It really could be a massive space up there).
I met with Brittney, a short, pretty black girl who moved from TN to originally be talent but ended up working with the company now. She liked me interviewing skills and my look and decided to sign me. Now, I had an issue with scouting with them not telling me about the fee that models have to pay so I asked about that straight up. Were there any monthly fees attached, how much would I be paying, and I steadily emphasized the fact that I was making SO-SO money at the Radisson and that I was flat broke. That didn't stop Britt from asking for this $700+ up front though. I told her I couldn't do that, then she asked if I could put $200 down now then get the rest when I get paid and I told her I couldn't she was just like... "I'll let you talk to Ericka..." I was like..."Oop!". So I chatted with Ericka, told her I couldn't really pay all that money right now and she said she'd work with me and we set up a payment plan. She told me they don't normally do this and if they did, it's like an extra $150 but she'd waive that fee.
The way Ericka and I kinda connected from our first phone conversation up to that point was pretty comforting which is why i felt a little better about it all. SHe told me the the money was to put my site up and maintain it...I guess talk2hand but I put $20 down to get signed and would work on the rest. She also assured me that if this got to be too much for me I could call and lessen the payments if need be which was an extra sigh of relief. Putting the $20 down at least gave me a bit of time to really process everything to see if this is what I really wanted.
After all the money stuff was out of the way she retook my measurements, retook my polaroids, and made me take my shirt off because she wanted to submit me to Colby, their high fashion division. I got my date and time for my "third appointment" and was done!
I think it was kinda weird that we're going to skip my second appointment since from what I understood, it was an orientation/1-on-1 interview...and if they selected you, you'd come back for a second interview with the money in hand and you may or may not get signed that day. But I got signed on the first meeting so....i'm quite unsure about it all. So unsure that I called my brother right after it happened and we finally spoke about it today.
He pretty much said exactly what I wanted him to say. Something to the effect of, "If this is what you want, you gotta make it happen." He basically worked to deconstruct all of the barriers I had put up around the idea of me becoming a successful model and making it in the entertainment industry and said that this could work. I told him a few times that they want a lot of money from me...and he didn't even mention the money or ask for a price...he just reassured me that I could indeed do this, which was just what I wanted to hear. He wants to dump his old car off on me so I plan on taking it, I just need another job first before I can do that because as it stands....I can only pay rent and loans.
Really, what I want out of this modeling thing is the New York experience. From the looks of it, I need to be a COLBY model, walk a few runway shows during NYFW, attend a few parties, then shift all of that into working behind the scenes developing my own talent AND/OR having a radio/tv show. I've always wanted to try modeling and have that model experience, but it's not something that I want to do forever... I would love to use it as a springboard into the entertainment industry of sorts and to be honest...paying $700+ to do it almost makes sense if I know it'll work. But that's the ultimate goal, with the short term goal being becoming a COLBY model and doing high fashion shoots.
I have a whole folder with homework to do before my "third appointment". Not to mention finding a second job and getting this car up here. So much to do....so little time.
Antiways...after signing with KMM, I called Rob and told him that I was on my way and that we could get some food. I got back and told him about the meeting and he seemed halfway supportive, yet rather indifferent since he himself did the modeling thing, and he said Elijah and James tried it as well. We bantered back and forth about whether or not we were going to go out to eat or not. He always tries to make it seem like I'm busy and us not spending time together is my fault. I told him I had nothing to do today except see him, then he tried to make it seem like he was busy...so it ultimately confused me but i guess we eventually decided to go eat.
Then we had to decide whether or not to bring the kid, something Rob brought up. I honestly wish that he'd be more decisive when it comes to these things. I'm thinking we're doing one thing...then he brings up another element...then I'm like, "well if that's what you want"...then it becomes a huge thing because he's trying to anticipate what I want when he's the one that brought it up in the first place xp
We proceeded to go through the positives and negatives of bringing the kid along (the kid whom I later found out to be Charles, one of Rob's nephews). If he did come, we wouldn't feel forced or pressured to discuss the grim reality that has become our lives but if he didn't come I'd have Rob all to myself, which is what I originally wanted. Rob made the final decision to not bring him along and we decided to go to Sabrina's on 9th and Christian for brunch (although we got there at like 3pm, it wasn't as packed as I usually hear it was).
Brunch was cute. Sabrina's was cute, but Green Eggs was better. I ordered French Toast with blueberries w/bacon and Rob ordered a Turkey Burger and I later ordered a latte. Conversation was pretty lite but I did get to hear some of Rob's plans amid the doctors and insurance woes he has been going through. He again informed me that he was feeling a bit better and wasn't as depressed although it does still effect him greatly (on our way home a PSA played -- of course those PSA always play on black stations and networks -- and it made him very uncomfortable to hear it...i laid for a very awkwardly sad blanket that fell in the car at the moment).
Our server was cool and didn't charge us for the drinks or any of the little extras so he got a good tip based on the bill. That's how you work it 3nodding He asked what I wanted to do next and I asked if he wanted to go to Penns Landing and he said it was too cold and asked me if I wanted to go to Jersey to see this truck he wants to buy and I said sure!
Upon arriving back to Rob's, I discovered that the lady that was there earlier was one of Rob's new nurses to take care of the house and his dad when he's at work...I kinda figured that sometime that afternoon but my thoughts were confirmed. We took Charles and his father and I drove them to Jersey. Little did I know we were going to Thorn's house and it was his niece Tashiana's 21st birthday lol And I was NAWT ready for that rofl You know you have to warn me before I enter an event with a bunch of people I don't even know so I can mentally prepare myself xp Alas, he introduced me to Thorn (for the 5th time, i swear iono why these people pay my existence ) and the party commenced.
So that was that and I somehow got through it while watching iRobot with the other mens and we went to the dealership to look at his car. The dealership was closed but we got a good look at it in the parking lot. We got back to Thorn's and after being inside for a few minutes, I decided to go sit in the car. They eventually came out and we embarked on our journey home. We stopped by Wal-Mart first and Charles asked, "Can me and Najee go to PetSmart? I wanna see some pets!" and instantly my heart was warmed as thoughts of my little brother flooded my memories. I jumped at the chance to go with him and we ran off. And just like with my little brother, we went in PetSmart and looked at all the animals....too cute. Rob called us to come on and we continued our journey.
We ended up passing the Go-Kart track and Charles shouted, "Oh! Can we do a race! Please!" Of course Rob was like..."Do you want to race?" And at the moment I didn't really want to..but I couldn't say no, so I said yes and we went.
We registered and waited for what seemed like forever but we eventually got our race on. Charles raced with the kiddies and got first place in his heat. Rob and I raced together and I got first as well, Rob got third. When i tell you I was SCARED before actually racing...I was scared as hell. I don't recall doing something like that for about 10 years and adrenaline was racing...I wasn't sure how I'd perform. But while on the track and getting the hang of it all it ended up working out. After a few laps of racing and breaking around corners...I looked at the leader board and I was in SIXTH place! I just couldn't gonk so I HAD to pick up the pace. I pretty much stopped breaking and created a routine based on the track of when to let off the gas, turn really hard, and go full speed to make up time...and what do you know...I came in first after 16 laps wink That was oodles of fun. 4laugh
So after that we went to McD's and went home. Rob and I laid in the bed for a bit, I kissed him a few times...and just felt love. After about 30-45 mins. I decided to go...then Rob said, "Aren't you forgetting something?"...I responded, "What?"...then he brought up his key....the whole reason for me coming there. Welp...I wasn't ready to give it up...so I said I didn't have it. Rob thought it was too late for the back and forth so he said he'd get it later and told me to have a safe ride home...in the snow talk2hand ... as he went to sleep...whatever. .
On the way home I was mad that he still asked for his key back after everything we went through that day and was ultimately glad that I didn't give it to him.
Sunday - I got home and sent him a text thanking him for spending the day with me... he responded to that text the next morning saying he feels like I lied and he's distrusting me even more since I'm keeping his stuff. At that moment I realized that I can't try to keep myself around him when he keeps pushing me away so I let go of my emotionally attachment to it and just told him to come get it. I didn't want it anymore. He could come get it whenever...later on that day because I had to work. The convo shifted when he then said it wasn't important enough or me to be texting at work (but it was important enough to throw around terms like untrustworthy and self-centered? Oh. Ok.) He then said if I was really there for him I would've been right there with him when he was in the hospital or at least there with him while he was sick in bed.
I had to cut that shyt quick. First of all, I didn't know he was stuck in the hospital, he never told me about that. Second of all, he made it very clear that he did not want to see me during that time, I respected his space and kept my word that I would ask permission before coming over if I was to keep his key. Third of all, It's not like I haven't been there when he was sick before, last time he was really sick I laid in bed with him each day until he was feeling better. So don't spring that shyt on me...
But I must admit...I'm not sure how I would've been able to handle him being in the hospital. I'm deathly afraid of hospitals now...but I would've been there for him regardless. When I get this car all that will be possible.
Our text conversation ended with him wanting to pretend like it was a year ago...I desperately wish that we could....but we can't...and asked me what I needed. I need for us to be good...great...and to work at it together. We discussed Beyonce slaying th e half time show and his plans to leave PHL. He told me he was still crazy about me and I told him I still loved him forever. The next morning he texted me saying he wanted to cook dinner for me sometime this week which sounded delightful to me. I'll be off Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday this week so it ain't nothin' but a thang.
Clearly we still love each other very much, but getting over this hump is proving more troublesome that I wanted it to be. I guess with all this going on mixed in with my own insecurities, it has me thinking, "Why should this modeling thing work for me? After all the mess I've caused and everything I've fuked up...I have no right to live a dream...no right to even try to succeed." And with that process, it's almost like I've failed before I even started...so why even start? It's something that I want to push through.
I want this modeling thing to work out for me in my own special way. You see a lot of young black men do the modeling/acting thing and making it work for them...but of course I want it to work for me which is why I don't want too much insight into it all yet, and I just want to see what I can accomplish on my own merit first before gaining more information on it. Like I said...I was to do NYFW and I want the high fashion experience that I had with India a few years back....even if it's short lived...as long as I can transfer into the specific field of my choice when it's all over. Networking is still key.
To make all of this happen I need a PT job, which might mean that I need to put my FT job search on hold and look for something that pays decent with super flexible hours. I owe mom money for my furniture, rent and loans will still be due every month, I owe KMM this $700+, not to mention the new responsibility of this car (that will make me more mobile and able to get to castings and what not) with insurance, gas, and maintenance will be even more money. Donald assures me that it's not as big as i'm making it seem, I really hope it isn't and that I'll be making good money by the time something drastic happens with this car.
Dealing and trying to keep up with all of that financially while working on Rob and I's emotional state will be quite the task. I moved to PHL about 2 months ago...and moved into this house about one month ago...and I was starting to feel like I have been becoming complacent with everything. I knew I still needed a real job, and I knew it was coming but I was feeling almost at peace with working at Radisson, paying rent, and making ends meet and all of that seems short-lived now. I needed something to shake things up a bit and I guess I found it.
James also came down this weekend. He went to the club on Saturday while i was out with Rob all day, I watched Bey slay with him on my break on Sunday...and he checked out on Monday so I didn't see him much but I did let him use my friends & family discount at the hotel. I know Baltimore was CRAZY after the Ravens won the Superbowl. Congrats to them! mrgreen
But it's clear that there isn't one way to achieve a goal and we each have to find our own way to make it for ourselves...and not be afraid to try different things. I'll look through this folder and see what they want from me...plus I have to work out, clean, and call mom...and eat and sleep again before I go to work tonight.
Love & Blessings heart
PS - It took me three sittings to write all of this. I started this at work last night...then I got tired, posted it, and stopped writing. I got home home after work and wrote some more...but I got tired again...started watching Inuyasha, and passed out towards the end of the episode. I woke up not too long ago and finished it (@ 3:33pm) I don't usually take this long to write but this was a long story and it really needed to be told sweatdrop
Mood: Hopeful smile
Music: 'Hope" - Twista Featuring Faith Evans from The First Lady
· Tue Feb 05, 2013 @ 08:38am · 0 Comments