I have a hate love relationship with my life....

both my guy bestfriends have abandoned me
one for 5-6 years he is the one i miss the most the reason i almost committed suicide...... but my other bestfriend helped me.

without even knowing it.... </3
now the one that helped me is going to leave too moving schools but i know things are going to change between us.
i know to most of you this might sound stupid but its my life, and the only one i have....... and i might just finish it off already.... but i promised my ex best friend, Andrea i wouldnt because her boyfriend just gave her a promise ring and in like 10 years i need to be a bridesmaid..................... so only for her <3 i will promise not cause harm to myself, but everyday it starts seeing more stupid that noly for her............. i know i have many friends but when im with them i still feel alone!
even if i seem happy and laughing and going out and yadayada yada not many people get to see the sad dark, depressed side of me :'c

im done for tonight i need to fix my hair if not my friends will look at me weird if i dont look like my usual self. they expect perfection from me.............. and im FAR from that.