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god why do i get my hopes up? happends every time. i know its goig to happen again. i get all excited, my hopes up and all, then i get bailed on and im left sitting there all day, all dressed up with nowhere to go. my birthday is infamous for that. my 1st big party i was going to have, invited all the ppl i thought were friends and no one showed. i spent the day crying with 6 bottles of pop and a large amount of kfc for a bday party that no one came for. or any other time im like "hey, its my bday, its goig to suck." then it gets close and i think maybe something good will happen just this once, then pop, nothing and only my best 3 friends show. or all my ex's. my last ex happened to show for my bday once thou she would find any way possible to bale out on any other thing i tryed to plan thus making me feel like an unwanted pile of worthless poop. hek she continues to do so without even being in my life. or any of my other ex's just not being there when i needed them, except my good ex. at least, till near the end when she made me realize how pointless my existence was. i leave no real impact. im as exchangeable as a pair of shoos. im here, then im not, and they never look back. at the moment i dont even get attatched to ppl. i know they will b gone soon enough so i dont remember anything about them. just that there going to leave and they wont remember me.

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