Its really hard to compare your friends with your family...but in a lot of cases (with me at least), my friends are closer than my family. The way my family works is this: you make your own problems, you solve your own problems. They want nothing to do with you unless things in your life are stable. In a way...this is good. It really does help shape you into a stronger person, able to be more self reliant. My cousin Tarah is probably the one exception here, but honestly we've always been friends AND family.

I feel close to my friends because no matter if I NEED help, or I NEED a shoulder to cry on, or simply NEED some human interaction, they are there. Whether its good for me in the long run or not, they are right there with a little safety net for me. A lot of it is that they realize by the time I ask for help, things are too far gone for them to do anything about it anyways...but they do it regardless. I treasure that, truly.

So, here I sit waiting. I try my best to help myself and turn things around, though I haven't been able to do much lately. But in reality, at this point I am waiting for that moment. That one moment, at the end of everything, where somehow, some way...I turn it all around. It always happens...I bring myself right to the precipice of being completely and totally ******** BAM, Im back in the game. Maybe its a self preservation instinct. Idk.

So, here I am. Waiting to be my own hero. smile