What should I do when I realize the difference between me and those closest to me?
I'll tell you what I will do.. Absolutely nothing.
Not a damn thing.
I never do. Nor will I confront anyone on it.
I'll obviously and more painfully hold it in and accept it.
Maybe it's just me.
But I know I won't follow.
I don't like that..though most times I won't do something unless someone does it with me.
However, I never concern myself with things that would make me feel like carp about myself.
I'm fine with being a wallflower.
More than fine, actually.
No good with crowds.
No good with people unless confronted.
No good with talking out loud even though I have such a vast vocabulary.
No good on a stage.
No good with strangers..
No good with telling people about me, though I suppose this is fine. Its not like I can see you reading this.
No good with eye contact unless its a staring contest with my friends.
No good with the truth.
No good with lies.
No good with hugs.
And definitely no good with goodbyes.

So..that should give a good enough sense of what I do.
But perhaps the only thing I follow are rules.
So, no drugs, sex, or violence.
Yeah, yeah..I'm a goody two-shoe..
But perhaps I leave the violence in my mind..
My imagination.
I can be pretty violent..but that doesn't mean I like to fight..
I wonder if I'd said all this before.
That'd be really lame if I did..
Well..I'm sure everyone gets the feeling they're getting left behind.
That's a better way to sum up the reason for this journal.
I feel a bit left behind.
Perhaps a little lonely.
And I don't like sharing these things..but I don't know who reads this so I just do it anyways.
If it seem like I have problems..it's because I most likely do..
Everyone does, right?
I should stop getting like this before school starts again.
I won't be able to concentrate.
Don't mind me..
This is just another rant.
By the way, has anyone read that book?
I have to keep bringing up books because they make me feel so much better.
Like, I'm still reading A Clockwork Orange. It's been a long time. Not for long though.
I have 2 chapters left. - w- yay...
And then I'll read Run The Game. By Jason Meyers.
And I have 163 books in my Booklist.
3 of them have been obtained.
And I just recieved Porno (a BOOK) by one of my friends.
By Irvine Welsh.
Yeah..What else?
Should I explain myself in a discreet manner?
Well..I just don't do what the people I know.
There are a lot of things I don't do.
Is this discreet enough?
Another thing about me that irks me is how I can explain many things but if it's something about myself. I just can't. Well, I guess I won't.
Its not like I have to, I suppose..
I'd like to but I'm one of those weak-willed types. Secretive, vague, sensitive pushovers.
That could probably be seen as an excuse..
Hmmm...what more should I say?
That I keep learning disturbing details of those around me?
That's normal enough..
That my fantasies have gone haywire?
That's to be expected...
That my dreams..--hmm...
About my dreams, I had the most amazing one ever.
What can I say?
It's pretty cheesy.
Someone swept me off my feet and we ran away together.
It sounds more cheesy when I put it like that. > w<
I was sad when I woke up.
I'm barely doing things now. At the very end..
just like I knew I would..
Should I put some song lyrics on here?
This might sound familiar to some..

30 Seconds to Mars - Savior
Until you crash
Until you burn
Until you lie
Until you learn
Until you see
Until you believe
Until you fight
Until you fall
Until the end of everything at all
Until you die
Until you're alive

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care

Until you give
Until you've used
Until you've lost
Until you lose
Until you see, how could you believe?
Until you've lived a thousand times
Until you've seen the other side
This is my chance, this is my chance

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care

Until the truth becomes a lie
Until you change, until you deny
Until you believe

This is my chance, this is my chance
I'll take it now because I can
This is my chance, I want it now

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care

Save me, save me, save me
Save me, save me, save me
I don't care