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I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, yet i felt no happiness or joy, accomplishment nor mind altering substance to provide a smile. I felt nothing at all, and as i sat with my ears ringing and eyes blurry the music i sleep to started to seep into my brain. As i lay still listening to the violin and piano play a dark melody i knew the feeling that creep over me. Its the feeling i know most of all, the feeling that has accompanied me throughout my life the most, guiding me into a deeper despair than anything else. I know how to stop it however it feels wrong to stop this feeling, this comfortable solitude from others. The pit that most fear and i grow from. I have never gotten out of the pit without sacrifice and each time something different. Last it took a lung and kidney. Perhaps this time it will finish the job. Whatever happens i know that the path ahead is about to get much darker. Fear of the dark cripples most however for me i thrive. I know my way through the dark, i just need to close my eyes and fall.