today i went to see les miserables in the theaters and as a fan of the book, play and movies i liked this movie. During the movie i felt this coldness in my heart begin to fade and i started to tear up on occasion. I am not one to show emotions like this, for until today i had not shed a tear in almost two years. A tear did not fall but i felt that as a man i had failed. I failed to supply my spirit with the freedom i yearned for all those years ago. So here i am, planning my escape, planning the day where i stage the greatest crime of all. The crime of faking your own death, to escape and be free of life. to travel as the men of old had years ago. a pack, clothes, a weapon and nothing but a vast wilderness around me. Few places are uninhabited now, but i will find mine. Among the trees, animals and relying on the land to supply me what i need or perish in the attempt.

Whether i blow my car up with belongings and a package of flesh or i leave my car door cracked, my phone broken and signs of a struggle and robbery. I shall find a way to disappear. I have no urge to be part of society, to live this dull existence until my fate catches up with me.

I live here in this time and i see there is no place here for me. I look upon the stars and think of how i have fallen, much like Lucifer fell. I have grown to hate the world. Look upon each of you with bitter anguish, know that the world would be better if i disappeared. So strengthen my body, my mind for the day grows dark and in the morn. i depart.