I'm not trying to be spiteful or say mean things or make you feel bad.
Its just...ya know I'm human.
I want affection from you.
And lately you just seem so uninterested and far away.

The whole reason I started to play League was for you so I could actually spend more time with you, but I ******** suck and it pisses me off so.
I feel like I'm boring.
That I don't hold the same quality of impressiveness? That your friends on League hold for you.
I don't feel like I can hold your attention span.
And it hurts.

You say its stupid but you haven't really proven me wrong.
You're always so tired when you call that we can't even have a conversation.
When I try to wake you up you just go back to sleep..

And it really hurt when I was telling you how I felt and you just were silent.
And then told me "You keep waking me up."
That's like saying "******** off"

And I know you hate it when I tell you that you've upset me.
I don't understand why you fire back the way you do though.
You don't feel like you've done anything wrong, then why do you feel so bad?
If you're not guilty there's nothing to feel bad about.
And even if its me being super emotional, what's wrong with you giving me a little bit MORE attention?

Sometimes I feel like you're treating me the way I treated you before I finally opened back up to you...And it sucks.
I'm sorry that I ever did that do you.

I guess the ones we love most hurt us the most right?
Ya know its a big change from seeing you 24/7 to not at all.
Its not fair that now I get half hearted texts and 5 minute phone calls.
Those texts and calls are what get me through the day and what I look forward to most.

I guess I was a little distant at first when you called, but I just don't feel like its fair.
For you to be just fine and dandy with this lack of connection, maybe its just me overreacting.
I'm just really lonely...Okay?
We're perfectly fine when you're here but as soon as you leave it goes back to normal and it gets so difficult.

I want to work through stuff.
It just seems like we keep having the same issue over and over. Its gotten a lot better...

I'm sorry I'm over emotional.
I'm sorry I worry so much.
I'm sorry I'm so sensitive.
Its just I don't want to lose you, and I want you to give me attention.
This journal probably won't make you feel any better.
You're probably thinking "Paige you're being dumb"
Maybe I am.