Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

thoughts, venting, occational poem.
depending on my sobriety my writing can be entertaining, dark, mentally disturbing and depressing. but it is always the truth. at least through my eyes.
Dreams
Dreams is a term that is used frequently in everyday life. Dreams people often use as a term to define a goal or a place they would like to visit in the future. When i dream, i refer to the nightmares i have while i sleep. There are two distinct dreams i often have without reason or knowledge as to why or what they mean. my first dream will be my most frequent one and then ill move onto my dream that eludes my grasp of understanding.

My first dream some would call a nightmare, others. well others they would never want to wake up. Imagine your dream girl, the one you may have, may have lost, may have yet to find. now imagine a life that happens only in your dreams one where normal tasks in everyday life are carried out yet one with this woman in your arms, by your side, together. it seems i live in two different worlds in this dream. one where i am miserable, alone and coping with the several things that plague my life. And another, one where those same things happen but with hope, one with a person who makes you think, feel, and want to come out on top. These are not voluntary dreams, nor are they made up. when waking upon these dreams i find myself cursing myself for not letting go, living in this dream world never to awaken. one that i would like to find a key to, to stop time and not worry about the dreaded reality of this cursed world.


My second dream is a bit more eluding. From a child on into adulthood i have found myself having a sick life. Sick being unhealthy, always ill and never a span where i can catch my breath and recuperate. I have felt death and have yearned for the embrace of it but it does not yearn for me yet. However in my dreams i find myself in various situations where either i am falling, being shot, stabbed, etc.. i find myself dieing in some way or another. and where most would wake up from these dreams i find myself trapped. unable to wake from them and feeling the physical effects of my chosen method of death. i can feel the blood seeping from my skin running down my stomach or i can feel my heart beat its last due to the bullet lodged in it. and i feel at ease, a sense of peace and quietness that i unyielding venture towards. I see no "light" nor do i hear "angels sing" or "jesus talk to me" as much others claim on the verge of death, i never have. just an endless darkness that consumes me and a sense of knowing everything is settled and at ease. I find myself waking up and yearning for that feeling yet my heart pounds due to the underlining thoughts of "was that death" "was that what i want so bad". i have never feared death nor will i ever, i know my life is short and i will not leave a mark to be remembered. If this is what awaits me when i meet my final rest i welcome it with open arms; However if it is not then what does this dream mean? what is trying so hard to materialize in my subconscious that it causes these dreams to come about? Perhaps ill never know, Perhaps i will find out after its too late. One shall hope to understand in time.





 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum