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Unknown Blog for the Unknown
When stuff comes to mind it'll be noted here :P
~ a month later
So here I am month later...I don't actually know what I'm feeling now. That point of relief hasn't arrived yet so I'll just write about what's been going on recently.

Alright...I've started learning Ruby On Rails and I'm having a lot of fun ! Django was nice, but rails just...seems to blow it out of the water. It's more concise, there's a connection with the client (SASS, Coffeescript) and it seems more organized than Django. Everything is REST, you know where the queries come from, how they are routed, where they go, what they carry when you arrive, the documentation seems to be complete.
The only problem I have with it right now is the API, because it's so goddamn hard to read. OK...maybe there's also the issue of learning 3 new languages to get started properly (Ruby, SASS and Coffeescript).

Well I got a raise, but a laughable one of 1.7% >_< Plus in the last year there was a 1k bonus for finishing the trial period, but that wasn't included in my salary for this year. That means even with the raise, I'll be earning less than last year ! ... f*ck !
There was an annual review of my satisfaction with the job (mild satisfaction, thoughts about getting a job elsewhere, possibly Sydney) and of course I brought the point up. Will have to ask them wtf is going on, pretty soon.

Hmmm...yeah what else... oh !
I might as well not f*ck for the rest of my life, because it seems like wherever I go on this earth, if I ever make a woman pregnant and make it absolutely clear to her, that I under no circumstances want to have child...I'll have to pay, regardless.
My roommate and friend (both female), agree that this is how it should be. They always talk about and with emotions. I can't even understand my own emotions, how the f*ck am I supposed to understand theirs ?
That's why I like logic and proof. For many things, there really is a fair and just solution, but making somebody pay for something he never wanted in the first place ? Nope !

If I ever f*ck again and the result is a baby I don't want...and the woman decides that she can't kill the parasite inside her or she can't give it up for adoption, because of her feelings - there will be one less person on this earth....
ME !
Seriously I'd rather kill myself than let something so expensive f*ck up my life. Plus it will have a grave to spit on someday and it will spare me the awkward and useless encounter with it someday.

ohhh well... I didn't want to fill up the post with another monologue about Christina, but there isn't much to say anyway...those feelings are deeply rooted and being here just reminds me of here. I'm not kidding when I say that EVERYTHING here reminds me of her. I have to leave this place...it won't help me get over her.

When will this stop ? My thoughts of suicide have become more frequent now. I can't live with this emotional pain all my life sad
I can't start anything with another girl, knowing that I still have feelings for Christina. It would be absolutely unfair to her.

On the same note, Emilija made a comment about having in which the both of us were married...I have no idea what to think of that. Now I'm too tired anyway.

Night night !

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