- Hanna had a migraine today, and I didn't really want to start without her, so all I really got accomplished on that front was making my character a facebook. We'll be back on it tomorrow.
I took Jer hiking with me and it was lovely. I can be myself in the woods, and around him. I always have been able to. Whether I'm being quiet, or just saying whatever the f*ck pops into my head. After awhile, we sat on a fallen tree to talk about poetry and countercultures and Native Americans. We would have stayed out there longer and made dinner, but we didn't really have anything that could be cooked outside. I've felt so good these last few days that I've gotten a lot of continuous sunlight and gone meandering.
It's strange... other than meeting and being with Bryan, I didn't think I'd miss anything about this year. I've been thinking about that lately since we've only got one more month left. But weirdly enough, I already do. I miss the first few weeks of raw sobriety when the only thing I could look forward to was Game of Thrones every week with Jer. Before I got my computer fixed, I didn't talk to anyone. Even if I had one at the time, I wouldn't have. I needed quiet and ease. I hovered around Nan as though being alone might make my head burst. I got nervous when she left the house, and I'd walk around outside or clean or sit and stare at the walls for hours. I remember going to see Titanic in theatres with Nan and Aunt Shay, how it was sort of bittersweet because I thought of how much my mom would have loved to go with us had she been here.
Other than biting my nails and waiting for my college acceptance letter, things are really good right now. I'm not sure if it's largely because it's Winter or... what, exactly, but that's got something to do with it. If I pick it apart and ask why, the feeling will dissolve into oblivion.
So I won't.