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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.

Transitioning to Adulthood is/has been rough for me.

I know I'm still going through that transition, a change that is easier for some than for others. I guess typically, people go to college and while there they grow, mature, learn, and learn to live on their own. Many get apartments with their friends and undergo the process of paying rent and bills and having to work to maintain it all. I kinda went through my own version of that but temporarily had to revert back towards dependency.

But, after an outing with Marlon, Kenny, and James last night and letting mom know today...I have successfully told (almost) everyone who is of importance that I have been offered a job at the Radisson Hotel in Philadelphia and I am moving and almost surprisingly the news has been met with an initial luke-warm/cold response.

My friends were pretty over it and didn't seem too excited to encourage me. Eion asked a lot of questions about why, and Rob, and jobs, and working, and blah blah blah. Marlon was fairly melancholy about it but didn't have too much to say. Kenny and James accused me of "running away" to Philly, not trying hard enough, and not being patient seeing as how the new year brings new budgets. Mom's initial response was "I'm glad you're getting out my house, you don't have to pay me."....then later it was, "I don't think I'm ready for you to leave yet..." but after telling her I needed space and was tired of being controlled she was able to relate to that feeling from her teenage years. Hell, even Rob doesn't seem to hot about the idea and just "wants me to do what I want to do"....when he's the main reason I'm doing this.

I'm tired of being down here feeling like I'm wasting away on the daily while he's up there going through things. I don't feel like I'm there for him like I want to be...

I had to sit down and think about what I was doing after the mix of responses I had received. I'm always second guessing myself....always wondering if this is the right decision?...Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? Is this going to work OR will I gain anything? and of course WHAT IF I MESS UP AGAIN?

After fuking up the last semester of my senior year by taking two internships that resulted in nothing but another job on my resume...really, some of that time could've been put to better use...I'm hesitant....very hesitant and as I've said before....my confidence level is no where near where I need it to be.

Am I running away? Surprisingly I don't feel that way this time, but usually I do. I tend to run away from my problems, but in this instance I'm kinda running head first into my problems...but Love is leading the way in this instance. I told Eion that if it wasn't for Rob, I'd probably hold off on moving to Philadelphia because it wasn't even an idea until I started working at the Country Inn and I thought about transferring to the Radisson to be closer to Rob...and what do you know...it worked. eek

In the face of nothing else working...Country Inn and Suites came almost instantly. When I got in here, I decided to learn the system a little bit and feel my way around while reacquainting myself with working at the front desk before I decided to move up there. The initial goal was early 2013, but when I inquired at the Radisson I heard they were hiring. After stalking people for a while and interviewing, it seemed like they really wanted someone who knew how to use Opera....which I do now. If this apartment thing works out flawlessly....then that has to be a true sign. I just pray I'm not moving back to Philadelphia to fall into another dark hole again or just to move back to DC after a short period of time. I'm really looking for some kind of stability and I can't be popping back and forth like I'm crazy...but best believe...if I do get a position...a good position at a promising company or organization that happens to be in DC with good pay and benefits...I'm moving back. I don't see myself moving back for any other reason unless my life literally just fell all the way apart again.

Anyway, the idea location is South Philly or University City around Market Street. I wouldn't mind North Philly but I can't do any farther north that Temple. The general concept is to stay in and around the city. No suburbs, please. I want to be able to get to everywhere I need to get to on a bike or by metro. Even if I have to go out to the burbs for whatever reason...regional rail and bus lines mostly depart from Center City so that'd be the move.

As far as an actual plan and list of goals....I'm working on it...but I have a few in mind that I'll bring up later. And it's looking like my New Years Resolution might just have to be very simple this go around. Something as easy as "To be in a better space emotionally, than where I'm at now"...and the only way to do that is through God and hard work.

Other than that...I think that's about it. I'm expecting to move sometime next month and I'll be looking for a place until then. Right now, I do want to move back to Philadelphia. DC's not working out for me and I'm quite over it and everything. And like I said... I really want to be there for Rob, despite him perhaps not wanting me back. I might be able to get more excited about this once I tell a few of my bixches that I'm coming back so we'll see what happens.

Peace and Love. heart


Mood: Hopeful 3nodding
Music: "Lead The Way" - Mariah Carey from Glit

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