If only I had lived my life without these constraints of morality, right and wrong, legal or illegal. I wish I had lived a normal life with a little more f*cked-up. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so different from the rest of society. Maybe then people wouldn't see me as so different and incapable of interacting in ways that are seen as being fun... which I feel awkward participating in or even trying. I don't feel like I fit in with any of these people. I don't feel like any of them see me as anything other than a guy with a good heart, good intentions, an outcast that is suitable for a friend, and nothing more. The people I'm interested are never interested in me and placate me with a mixture of flirtatious gestures and stop signs. The people I'm not interested in pursue me. Most pursue me for things without meaning and simple fun without any investment. Some care genuinely, though they are the minority. In the end, I'm tired of feeling so different from the people I want to be around. I'm sick of being what I am. I wouldn't mind being what I am if it weren't for these distractions and reminders of just how much I can never be a part of theses peoples' lives.