I'm pretty easy-going. If you wanna talk we'll talk. I'm pretty much an open book, so feel free to ask away. I don't get easily embarrassed or scared to talk about anything. We've all been through rough patches in life, and it doesn't mean that life's going to be that way forever. Sometimes we just can't find the way out of the dark. If you having nobody else count on me. If you have others, but want me I'll do my part to be there. Even when people try to offend me I try my best to never give up on them. I know I've been difficult for some people in the past and present, so it's only fair. When I'm mad at someone I'll still listen to them and hear them out if they're trying. .Again it's only fair. I don't like it when someone is angry with me and I try apologizing and they're with their 'No, whatever. No. No, I'm mad. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm over it; but still mad.' I don't like to be like that towards people and it's for my own benefit since all things of bitterness, anger and hate. .are not of God. Yes, I'm a Christian. At least that's what I try to be. I do apologize in advance if I offend you by giving you a bible verse or telling you Jesus loves you. It's the truth and the part of us that hates to hear these things are demons inside of us. Lol, I can only imagine how I sound to non-believers right now. But hey, I'm not going to persist with Jesus at you if you don't wanna hear it, lest that be the reason we started talking. .in which case I'll try my best to give you good word and not offend. I don't want anyone to think. .'Oh he's a Christian. He thinks his better than everyone and he's holy, but I bet he sins too.' Amen. I'll be the first to admit I'm a sinner. Of my own doing nothing good comes. I know for sure that I'm not better than anyone. We're all the same. One time I told a 'friend of the world' of mine that we're all the same. .this was after we got into a little fight. And he tel me "No, I'm better than you. I'm sorry Jake, but I know in my heart that I am better than you. I am more high class and I'm just better than you I'm sorry if that hurts but I it in my heart." Or what happened is he was bugging me and acting like he was going to swing at me. .while I had a cup in my hand, so I set it down and gave him four punches to the face quick and then backed up to see what he'd do. I had mercy, which is good cause God is merciful. I didn't just keep beating on him cause I only wanted him to quit bugging me. I'm never quick to fight, but this guy had been acting like he could beat me up since years ago. .and this night he was pushing it. This was just this summer. I wasn't a real Christian back then. Even now I don't consider myself 'real.' I still give in to my temptations and get mad over things and curse often either out loud or in my head sometimes. .If I would've been a Christian at least how I am now I would've let him keep bugging me, and if he did hit me I would've turned the other cheek. That's what I hope at least. So yeah I was at a party, and that's another thing I can't do. .so again if I were a Christian at least to the degree I'm at right now I wouldn't have even been at the party to begin with. The only thing that gives me strength is reading the bible, praying, going to church, and surrounding myself with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Just like a lot of people today; I didn't always believe in Jesus. I found myself giving into the spirit of the antichrist. I watched the zeitgist video and went on to believe for awhile that God was real. .but that Jesus was man-made, and he was only the sun personified for the sake of writing stories about it. It made sense to me cause they call Jesus 'The light of the world' and in the video they said that in ancient days they'd call the sun 'God's sun' It coincides with Jesus being God's son. .and Idk this was right after I got baptized about 2 years ago. The devil wanted to take me away from God and he hit me where it hurt. .No man goes to God without first going through the son. It says that in the bible (hopefully I didn't butcher that too badly) but it's true and Jesus is real real real! I know by the things that have happened in my life and the lives of people around me. During the time when I didn't believe in Jesus I dabbled in merkaba meditation, along with mantras and such. .Also some wicca by giving myself to false idols basically. I bought a necklace supposedly for good luck, money, and 3 other things idk good health or something, but it was wrong. It's putting some necklace made by man ahead of God. Now I don't even believe in luck. God wants to be our first in everything we do. It's Idolatry to think that necklace has any power to help me, and even if it could somehow. .Why would I betray God, or not trust him to help me? For him nothing is impossible. I was dabbling in trying to learn things about nihilism and seeing auras and just they're just dead-end roads. I got heavily into smoking pot after I got baptized as well. .Now I see it and I know why. I mean I tried it when I was already 18. .but still before that I had never tried it at all or cigs or alcohol besides at my uncles wedding or something like that. The reason I fell so much into weed was because the devil wanted to keep me from being with God one way or another. Now it's true that we can believe in God and still get high. But it says in the bible 'As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness, and I shall be satisfied, when I awake, in thy likeness.' Psalm 17:15. Our God is everywhere, and he's invisible. Literally I feel like he is space. .The space between my fingers, the space from my face to the computer screen. He makes this reality appear how it does, that is us beholding his face, and being satisfied with his likeness means we don't need to alter this reality. Now when I say heavily I know there's tons of smokes, not only here, but everywhere. I smoked so much that I was going to college and not even doing any homework. I'd get high and go to class, and I'd leave and get high. I would get high like 5-7 times a day. And I don't count one hit as getting high. When I say get high I mean smoke 2-4 bowls with some friends. Something like that. I'd smoke with these guys, then I'd smoke with my roomates, I'd smoke myself, later someone else would hit me up and we'd chill. Same day someone else comes at me 'oh let's hit a cruise.' Next day 'I just got a new piece time to break it in.' Same next day oooh it's 4:20 you know what that means I'm passing around 2 blunts and we're all getting high. Seriously I had like weed around and available all the times regardless of me buying or not. Lots of my friends were dealing and they had it all the time. I got to point I felt like z-ro (a rapper) in a song of his it says. "I'm suffocated by the weed, please leave, let me breath." I tried and tried over and over to quit. I would tell my friends that I was going to quit and then find myself buying at least a 10 that same day to pack a two bowl, and then having that 10 there's always someone who will match it and you smoke more. .so I just couldn't quit. Even when I'd try my hardest all I could do is stop smoking for four tops five days at a time and then I'd smoke again and leave if for three of four days. .and smoke again and leave it a few days. But then it during those periods like that trying to quit I'd be like. .well I smoke yesterday I'll smoke today I've been cutting back anyway and then the next day I would just be fiending for weed. .so I'd find the cycle reversing and the days I didn't smoke would be more scarce than the days I did. I had become a puppet to the devil and he'd tell me where to go and what to say. I couldn't quit and I knew that I had tried with all my strength. I had to realize that all my strength is nothing and with it I can do nothing. It took asking God to help me to quit, and taking the first steps to leave that life behind. After I walked away I walked right into God's loving hands and he hasn't let me go. It just became easier to stop searching for weed, parties, alcohol, and even my friends of the world. I still love my friends, but I can't go hang with them even if I want to because I know what they'll want to do, and so if we're going to hang again I'm going to have to leave God or they're going to have to come to him. I'm staying with God, so I pray to God that he'll call them as he called me. The way I would try and quit before meant that no matter how much I cut back I always had a dirty system. Thanks to Jesus, I don't smoke anymore. Thanks to Jesus I have a clean system, and can pass a piss test. Thanks to Jesus I am born again, and I am forgiven. I rather have all of gaia, and my whole home town, and ever city I go to hate me for loving Jesus than to have Jesus walk away from me. That's something he won't do to any of us because he's love and mercy is that great. It's always us that turn our backs on Jesus, or he'll do a miracle in someone's life and they promise that they'll do this and that and worship him forever, but then they go back to their lives and never even touch the bible. .It's better to not make any vow to God that to make a vow and not honor it. You might forget the vow or say you didn't mean it, but God knows where you heart is, and God will never forget your vow. I've seen things happen through Jesus in my life as well even while I was still in the world. For those of you who don't know what 'in the world' means it's just all the things that give pleasure to your flesh. The things your physical body enjoys. Smoking, drinking, pornography, swearing, fighting, drama, parties, lying, anything sinful is of the flesh. The things the flesh enjoys are of the world. To sanctify yourself you need to put space between yourself in these things. Jesus will always give his hand to help you out. He took me out of the pit and will do the same for you. Search for him with your whole heart, an if there's any questions you have I'll gladly see what word God gives me to help you or try and explain things that don't make sense. I know one reason I didn't like church before is because I didn't understand what the things they said meant. .But yeah like I said even when I was in the world Jesus was there with me fighting for my soul. I remember I was down in my friends apt in the basement. It was just my friend Elias, Chase, and I. Elias went upstairs and I stayed downstairs with Chase. I was sitting on the bed and directly in front of me was chase sitting in a wheelchair with it just parked. and to his right there was a bottle of beer just posted on the floor about a foot away from the wheelchair, and again I was across from him. I brought up my hand and did like a psychic would basically with my fingers aiming at it and my thoughts focused on it, and how that bottle 'feels' then I put it firmly in my head that all things are possible in the name of Jesus Christ! I knew by faith that one way or another that bottle was going to tip over. And so I'm zoning out and Chase asks me "What are you doing? Are ya meditating?" and I'm like "Yeah, something like that." and I started to wonder a little like hmm how is gonna happen I bet Elias will come and walk by and kick it or Chase will stand and forget it's there and it'll fall. .But I'm like naah I can't think of it cause God will do it how he wants and when he wants, I just need to have faith that because I know it will move in his name it will move. So I just leave it at that and am just talking to Chase cause Elias was still upstairs. .when out the blue the bottle literally just -clink- jumps and falls down and we both hear it, I saw it. It was next to him and he just looks downn at his side then looks at me like. .Uhh? It was so subtle that he wasn't sure it had just happened. It was a full un-opened beer bottle with weight to it. It tipped over in the name of Jesus Christ. It wasn't spooky like when there's a ghost or something messing with people moving things around. Like I said Chase just looked like uhhh?? Cause he was just sitting still in park on the wheelchair and it just clinked I saw it , and he heard it then saw it tipped over. After that I started preaching to him everyhing I had learned about the afterlife and our spiritual bodies that I had learned down at Ihop (international house of prayer) down in Kansas during the fascinate conference. Man it was awesome. I felt the holy spirit and I just wanted to make sure he heard the good word, and his heart was open and he listened and believed me when I told him that the bottle tipped in the name of Jesus. And later Elias comes down and we're all just talking and whatever. .I was going to just not tell him and wait to see if Chase would tell him later or something. .but my excitement got the best of him and I told him what happened and told him all things of possible in the name of Jesus Christ. He just looks at me and he says 'Dang. . In the name of Jesus Christ?"
Lol like saying Dang sarcastically not astonished. Then he tried saying I was just drunk or high. I was not drunk off one beer, which after that happened that day neither me or Chase drank any more and high. .That's one thing Jesus showed me. .It says it somewhere in the bible but when you're drunk or just out of it like high people aren't going to take you seriously or believe you even when you're telling the truth. It says it oh ignore him he's a fool in his drunkness or whatever. I wish I knew which verse. .But that's one this Jesus did for me to show me that he had me. I didn't deserve his acknowledgement. I still don't. Even when I was in the pit Jesus showed me that he was hearing my thoughts and testing my heart. I know science would throw this out the window, but that doesn't matter. I know what's real. I can't replicate it whenever I was to prove it to people. I honestly can't maintain my faith that high otherwise I'd be walking on water. It also says in the bible that you can't tempt God. You can't make him do anything because he's the king of kings and shall do as he pleases. It's our advantage that we have such a benevolent king. Praise be to God both now and forever. It's awesome how God reaveled himself to me in that way even in that way even from where I was at. He always knows the consequence of each action and where someone's heart is at. That's one experience that brought me closer to God and there are more things that touched my life and helped me to leave the way of the world. So just cause I'm Christian doesn't mean I'm some myopic closed-up guy that doesn't know anything going on in the world or realize how people may perceive me in a negative light. It doesn't matter though. People can and will think what they want. I want Jesus to be in my life each and every day so that I may serve as a living testimony to the glory of God. People who know the old me and see me now with God can see the difference, but still I know there could be more of a difference and I want to get there so that I can be a new creation transformed by the Holy Spirit. It's hard to deny a living testimony especially if I myself accredit all of my positive changed to God. I really wasn't planning on writing anything like this. I just wanted to put a lil somethin somethinn since I hadn't put up a new journal entry in forever lol. But it just goes to show you how our plans are nothing it's always God's will. If you've stayed with me this long God bless you! That shows that the Holy Spirit is alive and working in your life. It also shows that your heart is open to Jesus, so I encourage you to take the first steps just verbally speak it and know it in your heart. .Say "Jesus Christ is my Lord and savior he is God in the flesh. Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross that I may be made righteous in your eyes." Well, hey you don't have to do it now but definitely read the bible or go to your local church or youth group and see what's up. I know it can be hard especially with fake Christians which I desperately do not wanna be like. .They judge you upon your entrance to the church and mumble to themselves "Why is he/she here?" Ignore them and go to search for God regardless of who's there or who isn't there. God Bless you and if there's anything I could help you with at all please feel free and welcome to get a hold of me however you'd like. Usually pm works best though lol. Byee!!