thats the name of the textbook i should be reading
how was the tumblr experience
well i couldn't feel completely at ease i still felt like someone more grown up than i am trying to make a point in the world while here i am
just all of 16 again, i think i'll always be 16, i think i'll be 16 for a while i don't feel 18 i don't feel legal i don't know what's going on why am i getting older i don't understand
absolutely anything i don't
my mother kept nagging me she said she was getting my bank statements and how come i don't have any money in the bank please close your account carl they keep charging you for everything you charge that bounces off hey are you listening can i come visit can i come see you son i haven't seen you for half a year
she hasn't no
and i said no leave it alone
hey i have two tests tomorrow and i need to study for them but i don't know where to begin that usually is how it goes so i end up doing something else entirely like so case in point hello
i talked my coworker's ear off today. not the guy i have a crush on no i mean his cousin, who is also working this year. i just realized that i had been ranting about how much pressure i was feeling i didn't realize it because i didn't feel anything and i was mostly just joking but then i thought about it and i realized it
it was like that time when i reread one of the quizzes i wrote for my sat class and i realized that every
single
question
was
depressing.
about rabbits dying and thieves stealing people's things and stuff.
i didn't do it intentionally. it just came out that way i didn't know. i'm so sorry. he got really quiet and then he started talking about bubble tea.
i'm so sorry! i didn't mean to dump anything on you. and so i'm here.
what has been kicking recently
well some girl asked me out and i turned her down and now we are better friends than we used to be. how does that work? it just does.
and the girl i do actually like well it is very complicated. last night she posted on facebook, "i'm so tired." and it was 2 am in the morning, and i'd been obstinately not texting her but i commented, "then go to sleep." and she said the next day, "i had work." and someone above her had commented, "courage!"
and i thought, ******** man, i mean ********. i don't know how she can say i'm the closest she has to a boyfriend and she's the closest i have to a girlfriend and i don't know her as well as some random chick on the street.
and i thought about the nights we hung out until five in the morning, playing with each other's fingers and talking about airy hypotheticals, and how she would say, "my bed is soft" and i'd go home
and i thought, what is this that we don't even really talk except when we meet, and we don't even know each other's schedules as well as people we say we don't love as much do. what is it.
and that is my angsty rant of the day. on upviews, there is a dog in the lgbt house; it is my favorite dog. it stands on the top of the stairwell to the computer lab where i go to print my poetry for poetry workshop (this week on carl's crap poetry: eve bites testicles) (oh man they already think i am weird as ********
i
just
get
so
weird
in poetry workshop. last class i couldn't speak at all. i didn't even smile or laugh, i just covered my mouth. such an immensely right-brained place seems to bring out a kind of autism. ******** i am so weird.)
so i guess i don't care!!!
and fall break is this week and the countdown to anime usa is: 24 days.
oh. that long. i thought it would be sooner.
soup went on sale so i bought every flavor of soup and i have one can of soup every day for dinner but i have exhausted the good flavors (like clam chowder) and am stuck with the sketchy looking ones like mexican tortilla. some southwestern white chicken one was really gross. the ones with beans generally are while the ones with beef are quite good. minestrone was so-so.
i also tapped into my asian heritage and made a METRIC SHITTON of fried rice which is in my fridge.
and i have given up on matching my socks. it doesn't matter. i just wear the first two i pick out of the drawer. i think you should try it.
life gets more colorful and comfortable that way.
i am going to study now. if i get a 4.0 in everything for the next two years, my roommate said, i could get a 3.8.
so i could get into med school maybe he said. he's good at the math.
every day i seek to improve.
sora wonk Community Member 
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