You'll find Love somewhere between your friends.
Don't worry abou it now though.
Sometimes it wasn't meant to be.
They're perfect together, while you and him are not.
You should worry about your happiness.
Keep smiling for your friends.
Hah.. All those things are funny to me. All have actually beed said to me. So, why care? I care about it because it hurts to know somethings aren't true.
Like-- Finding love between friends.
I have though.. a few times..
But finding it with a freinds hurts more. It means you're going to see those memories more. You can't avoid your friend just because of that. It's not right to do so. It may be awkward though.
Actually, I can do that. I can avoid my friends. None live near me so I can't see them. there would be nothing awkward between us. The pain does remain though.
Just seeing one friend you haven't seen in a long while can set off feelings you had for them way before.
That has happened. It was the same thing that put me and my recent ex.boyfriends, Zac, together.
I'm still suffering over that break up...
Anyways. Back to the real subject on why I'm venting.
LOVE
Ugh.. That word just is sooo distant from me. I barely know the true meaning to it anymore. And that sad for me. I'm suppose to be the one who helps couples with their problems and help them be calm. Since majority of the couples I know are of my friends. I'm happy for them. Seriously. I love to see my friends happy with their "loved one's".
"I love you, I love you, I love you"
Those THREE words hurt when I hear others say it to each other. But it doesn't hurt when my family says it to me. My mom, dad, lil brother. The reason why is because I can barely feel their love towards me now. It's faded. So, I'm save there.
When I does come down to me having someone who loves me dearly which is someone who'll never exist , like a boyfriend, I can handle those three words. Text messages with those words, that is. It's really simple to type that back. But if he says to me in reality, I'm going to have problems. I can't say it loud enough for them. And it hurts to even say it in the first place.
Oh well...
I just rather have my friends preferrably two who are really close to me to be happy with each other. I respect their chooses and I'll let them be. But if they want to hang out with me, I can't be able to without wearing my mask.
My mask keeps my real emotions hidden from others. It basically gives me a fake smile. Fake happiness to spread so others don't worry for me.
Soo... that's about all I can say for now.. Unless.. if I could say I'm kind of saddned by a friends' actions. But that's something totally different. It's not like he likes me back in any way. He has my best friend to love and care for.. Even if.. I told him I still have feeling for him after all this time.. It doesn't matter.. Let him be happy with her. I'm just going to be in darkness.. Be more anti-social...
That's all I need to say for now...
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Silent's Great World Inside Her Mind
This journal is basically used for my poems (one's off a website I found or one's I actually wrote), roleplays I love to save, and finally fanfictions. But.. I doubt I'll be doing many of those any time soon. I might vent a little in this journal too
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Most Amazing and Cute Couple Ever in Homestuck History (Only in Human Couples)