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BB's 'Hidden' Journal
My online record of mostly rantings and complaints.
ugh. that self-centered, narcissistic, male chauvinist pig =_=#

I only nearly killed him once....he tried to kill me once, we're even right? nope. he's such an ass.

he's pretty stupid too. me, i'd rather fight a war with drones, posion, whatever sneaky tactics i can. him? he'll have none of it. he's all for the line up fighting like they did in the revolutionary war. idiot. i understand chivalry and honour and sh*t, but hello!! all's fair in love and war!

ok calmed.

it's just....he's a stubborn ass who craves drama and attention. it's annoying. insisting i'm insane. i am, but he doesn't know it so it's insulting. i tried to explain the psychology of momentary insanity, or split-personality disorder, and all they (he and joseph) got out of it was that i was admitting to being insane. and evil. and a sociopath.

please. if i was all three of those, he would be dead. we were in control plenty enough to not kill him. he was only in danger of serious bruises. possibly broken bones if they actually broke.....

seriously, not that bad. that, plus one other scar across his eye are the only things i've ever done to him. i have at least 5 scars that he's given me, plus teeth. so in reality, we're not even, i owe him some ass-kicking still.

-sigh- and emptiness. i get whiplash from myself.
lol someone could probably mistake me for bi-polar xd
but, they'd be wrong. i'm tripolar dramallama -troll-

-ahem- anyways.....i'm thinking about selling some artwork on Etsy....i don't have the space to keep all this sh*t anyways. post the best of them on DA then just sell them for like $5 and be done with it all.

and i'm pissed again. damn it all. i need to take up combat training....

random sh*t!! my horoscope is right! damned chinese. anyways, says i'm destined for marital problems.
usually i ignore a lot of my horoscopes since i was born without a fate line, they like never applied. but now, it's halfway to my lifeline. pretty large jump.....kinda pisses me off too.

damn stomache. so knotted up i feel like i'm going to throw-up. there's no reason for it either. just random nearly paralizing nervousness.
speaking of paralizing, last night i had a hallucination. i havn't had one in.......three weeks? ish. whatever. anyway, it was of a child. i havn't seen it since a castle in england, but it was the top half of the face staring at me from over the stair of the bunk bed.
creepy ass sh*t. just like that damned angel statue i used to have. i get terrofied like that, i can't move. so i can't run away from them. which sometimes, i'm totally fine with cuz in order to run i'd have to go through them, or in their direct line of sight. or something along those lines. so i usually end up hiding under the blankets until i fall asleep.

lol kinda silly. feels weird typing that up. something no one has ever seen. the closet to seeing me scared is when that bloody insect comes around. it's long and flat-ish with tons of little legs and two long feeler things on each end, and it's just gross. i absolutly hate them and refuse to go near them. but that's more from revulsion than fear.

flissy quit gaia. saph's "on a break", xeno seriously gets around, and like everyone still talks to each other, everyone seems to still hate logan (except saph of course).

really wanna just throw it all away. kill any and all internet connection and focus on real life. screw "friends". ugh. addict to pain.


f*ck it all. i'll just keep everyone out. dount anyone will notice, but i will notice. see them eh? piece of sh*t. gah! now i'm really mad again!!
-bangs head on desk-

hopeless cycle. just like life. the worst things in life are the healthiest. war. you know war is the best thing in the world for humans? population control, economy cleansing, culture mixing, change of governments, change of lands and therfore renewal of food, genetic growth and improvment, technological advancement, religious empowerment, pride/moral booster. the only downside is the pain. of course i already ranted about the downsides of war, but that's mainly modern war. modern war doesn't give all these great benefits, just the downsides. old war gave all these benefits as well. they were good.
no one cares.
it just keeps returning. keeps cycling.
tempted to just do what i decided not to when i was younger. f*ck the circle of life and see what the afterlife provides. at least then i won't know. alive, i do. it's boring and depressing. i really want nothing to do with it at all.
i want something else. something this planet, it's species, won't get to see for millenium. oh well. hope they enjoy when they do eventually see it. for the short period they have it before the sun explodes/implodes.

randomly remembered, i never explained the horoscope did i?
'ight. marital problems. quite simple really, i'm bi. hardcore.......lucky me. i can't have just one. so i'm pretty much screwed and doomed. unless i don't marry, have an open marriage, or go down the route of polygamy......which are all options. perfectly valid options......but i just don't like them. what they could mean/do to my partner if they weren't already for one of those options.
wow i hate life.
-sigh- reminds of that stupid prayer. and stupid voices. brilliant ideas. truely flipping fantastic.

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