There have been times in the past, where I’ve had things to aspire to, to yearn for. I’ve also had people around me. Albeit not near me, but around me regardless. What I’m about to type out is what happens when you take them for granted, when you’re an overgrown ass. I was/still am one, and I lost a friend due to that. No, this friend didn’t die, rather, she removed me from her life and it’s been one of the hardest things to do to live around. Let me tell you about her. Instead of using her real name, I’ll call her Angie, as it’s not her real name, albeit close. Nor does she like to have people know her name. When I met Angie for the first time, she was seemed very enigmatic to me. In a way, she was perfection. We shared similar qualities. The funny thing about when I first met her was, she hadn’t been speaking English, rather she’d been speaking a language called Drow (for those who are clueless, I’d consult Google). Now, I added her and things were good for a while. Hell, I even saw her naked a few times, not that it matters in that sense; it’s just one of quite a few good memories I have of her. But, then things changed. She changed for the better, and I was too stubborn to accept that change. As our friendship grew to a close, I grew to be more of an overgrown child towards her. Then came a day where she’d deleted me. I was baffled. This was the message she’d sent to me (Angie, please don’t be upset that I posted this with the message too)
“....fear. You get angry very easily and it scares me. I have become more of a pushover now when I used to stand with pride, but badgering those close to me and me over time, my conscious told me that I would be more threatened if I told you about what I was going to do. I remembered when you and I had a big argument, how you said for me to "f*cking delete you" and how to "get it over with". I also know that you never wanted my pity, but in the end my empathy was controlling the friendship, even with the anger. I do not know why you have so much hatred inside of you, but that is why I feared telling you. Now, I can fess up since time has trickled by and I have more of my mind to say what I need to. You were good at times, do not get me wrong, but the side of you that I mainly saw was your frustration.
I do not regret what I have done, but I am not boasting about it. I am telling you as a person and nothing more, like a passerby to the person who dropped something just to hand their token back. I cannot apologize for that would mean I regret, and 'good-bye' is just a myth of a 'good-fortune' that won't come. I wish nothing ill upon you and hope you live better, whether you are happy or not, but live better. Granted, it would be nice to give you a sure happiness, but I am no liar. Try not to get into too much trouble when I am gone, alright? Please do not hold a grudge against me, either. Until next time, maybe things will be different...”
It’s now been almost a month since then. I miss her like crazy; I want to apologize to her for my ways. I want to apologize to a lot of people for my ways. I don’t hold a grudge against her, nor do I blame her for this. I honestly wish that I could turn back the swift hands of time and rewrite this so it had a happier ending. Angie, if you’re reading this, then do know I’m sorry.
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