Instead of storyline for my origional character, Fuji, Instead I wil be talking about me, and some of the things that has happened to me over the weekend. I hope you're ready, because I know I'm not, apologies in advance if it's...messy? Scatter-brained? Yeah. Those.
Lets start from what has caused my weekend to be eventful. I have a good friend, who I have never met in real life, who is a songwriter, his band, should anyone be interested, is called Caged Heart, they have two songs on soundcloud, a link I will post at the end of this should anyone be interested in giving them a listen. The band is based of something I didnt know at the time, something called Katawa Shoujo, literally "Cripple Girl" in japanese.
I am in love with their song "Touch", I dont know what exactly about it I love so much, but I find it beautiful. So, after having it stuck in my head for weeks I finally got the courage to ask my friend what Katawa Shoujo was. He told me it was one of those anime stories, like a dating sim. Except there are four acts, like in a play, and in the irst act you make choices that will lead you down a path of acts with one of the five girls. He told me the story was beautiful, and changed his life, I figured it must be good to have a band after it, so I decided to check it out.
It's not like those normal hentai dating sims. as the first story progressed I was surprised by the one or two sex scenes, trying to just focus on the story. By the end of the first story I felt such a connection to the girl my character had come to date that when, at the end, she admitted a bunch of s**t, just the way she spoke, reminded me of my problems, and how I did the EXACT same thing as she has done all her life. I shed one manly tear at that.
The story, if you get past the softcore hentai scene here and there, two-three for each story, I tried again and followed a diferent girls path, not expecting much as the reviews showed that is wasn't the most liked. As I went through it I found myself connecting with each character. My character felt helpless, the girl he was pursuing wanted to help people be happy, but didnt want anyone trying to make her happy, and her friend was in love with her, so it was a rival thing suppose.
The girl seperates from us, being friendly, but no longer really hanging out, and the main story is us trying to get her back. Throughout this whole story I cried for about two hours straight. I dont have any friends anymore, well, that's a lie, I have three friends I can count as friends still, but of the people I used to know and hang out with regularly? They all drifted away, and it was basically the EXACT same scenario. The only thing is, in the game we mend the wounds and all become friends. Something i wasnt able to do. All my friends drifted away, and why it wasn't always my fault, what I couldn't do back then (bring them back) I now realize, was not beyond my grasp, i was just blind too it. Part of the reason they drifted away was, honestly, because my iability to want to change.
Continuing from there I just reflected inwardly about everything, why not? I just removed an emotional barrier, time to really dig in and sort s**t out. While this was not a mistake I found it too be incredibly emotional too, like realizing where my best friend gave up on me. I figured we just drifted apart, but then I realized that wasn't the case. I drifted from him after he stopped caring.
I came to many conclusions, one being something I already knew, but had been denying myself for sometime. All throughout my life I have been ridiculed by the majority of my friends and family for being so trustful of people, especialy those I have not met. Not only that but caring about their problems over my own. I have always looked at another persons problems as being above my own. I just wanted to help them, even if it was just by putting a smile on their sad face, it was something that made me ecstatic, and I was just happy to do it. I knew what it was too feel sad, I didnt want anyone else to feel like I did, no problem was too trivial.
I think I have always known that this was a huge reason people stopped talking to me, because I was always looking for advice, and not for my own problems, but for other peoples problems. I couldnt stop, why stop something that makes you ultimately happy? When I met my wife I shoved that into a corner. I didnt have many friends anymore when I started dating her, and the ones I did have didn't like Amanada, or the change that was going on in my life. I as going through a lot and Amanda was a huge part of that change, and therefore was a huge part of my emotional turmoil raging inside me.
I was afraid I would push her away, like with everyone else. I was afraid she would leave me, and that was the last thing I wanted. She got pregnant, and we fell in love, had our son, Maxx, and got married shortly after his first birthday. I stopped getting into peoples problems, afraid tat if I got too serious about it she would leave me, that she wouldn't want to be a part of my life anymore, and that terrified me. So for the past, almost three years, I have been denying myself something I feel is the most pure aspect of myself. I care about people, because everyone needs to be cared about by someone right?
I have been accused of my care not being genuine, that ultimately I am just doing it too feel good about myself. When I heard that I did some personal reflection, was it true? Could I just be being a selfish person? I have decided, no, I really do care about that person, and their problems, I have proved it on several occasions. Hell I dated a suicidal teenager, when I was a teenager of course, who lived across the states for a year, helping her through all of her problems. I didnt do it for the happiness it gave me, I did it because I HATE when people are sad. I HATE when people felt given up on. If you have the chance to do something nice, and help someone, then why not do it? Who cares if they dont thank you?
I was able to talk to my wife, and we discussed everything I have been feeling, and what this game, thus far has made me feel. SO MANY FEELS! Now I dont plan on playing the next story for a day or two while I sort everything out. I am especially afraid, the next girl i decided to follow is what the song "Touch" is about, one of the scenes in her path. I am scared, I love this song, It sticks with me, it is with me, I fear, on a subconscious level, and that this path will lead to more emotional, wall-crumbling, revelations.
This whole game has caused this in me. It hasn't been... life altering, but it is like my life has been shifted into a new path, and I believe it is finally going in a better direction, rather than being stuck in a rut.
I guess that is it, and while, some may not think of this as a big deal, that is fine. The thing that matters is, it was a big deal for me, and I have grown from it. This weekend I grew mentally and emotionally, and I felt the need to share with whoever it is that views these journals.
Thank you, there is more I have not gotten out here, I wasn't sure where to put it, but just this has helped me a little bit more. So again, thank you for wanting to read on to this point, hopefully I have not made you sad, because that is not the point, I want everyone too be happy, and I am at a point in my life where I am ready to start helping again.
All because of a game.
Lets start from what has caused my weekend to be eventful. I have a good friend, who I have never met in real life, who is a songwriter, his band, should anyone be interested, is called Caged Heart, they have two songs on soundcloud, a link I will post at the end of this should anyone be interested in giving them a listen. The band is based of something I didnt know at the time, something called Katawa Shoujo, literally "Cripple Girl" in japanese.
I am in love with their song "Touch", I dont know what exactly about it I love so much, but I find it beautiful. So, after having it stuck in my head for weeks I finally got the courage to ask my friend what Katawa Shoujo was. He told me it was one of those anime stories, like a dating sim. Except there are four acts, like in a play, and in the irst act you make choices that will lead you down a path of acts with one of the five girls. He told me the story was beautiful, and changed his life, I figured it must be good to have a band after it, so I decided to check it out.
It's not like those normal hentai dating sims. as the first story progressed I was surprised by the one or two sex scenes, trying to just focus on the story. By the end of the first story I felt such a connection to the girl my character had come to date that when, at the end, she admitted a bunch of s**t, just the way she spoke, reminded me of my problems, and how I did the EXACT same thing as she has done all her life. I shed one manly tear at that.
The story, if you get past the softcore hentai scene here and there, two-three for each story, I tried again and followed a diferent girls path, not expecting much as the reviews showed that is wasn't the most liked. As I went through it I found myself connecting with each character. My character felt helpless, the girl he was pursuing wanted to help people be happy, but didnt want anyone trying to make her happy, and her friend was in love with her, so it was a rival thing suppose.
The girl seperates from us, being friendly, but no longer really hanging out, and the main story is us trying to get her back. Throughout this whole story I cried for about two hours straight. I dont have any friends anymore, well, that's a lie, I have three friends I can count as friends still, but of the people I used to know and hang out with regularly? They all drifted away, and it was basically the EXACT same scenario. The only thing is, in the game we mend the wounds and all become friends. Something i wasnt able to do. All my friends drifted away, and why it wasn't always my fault, what I couldn't do back then (bring them back) I now realize, was not beyond my grasp, i was just blind too it. Part of the reason they drifted away was, honestly, because my iability to want to change.
Continuing from there I just reflected inwardly about everything, why not? I just removed an emotional barrier, time to really dig in and sort s**t out. While this was not a mistake I found it too be incredibly emotional too, like realizing where my best friend gave up on me. I figured we just drifted apart, but then I realized that wasn't the case. I drifted from him after he stopped caring.
I came to many conclusions, one being something I already knew, but had been denying myself for sometime. All throughout my life I have been ridiculed by the majority of my friends and family for being so trustful of people, especialy those I have not met. Not only that but caring about their problems over my own. I have always looked at another persons problems as being above my own. I just wanted to help them, even if it was just by putting a smile on their sad face, it was something that made me ecstatic, and I was just happy to do it. I knew what it was too feel sad, I didnt want anyone else to feel like I did, no problem was too trivial.
I think I have always known that this was a huge reason people stopped talking to me, because I was always looking for advice, and not for my own problems, but for other peoples problems. I couldnt stop, why stop something that makes you ultimately happy? When I met my wife I shoved that into a corner. I didnt have many friends anymore when I started dating her, and the ones I did have didn't like Amanada, or the change that was going on in my life. I as going through a lot and Amanda was a huge part of that change, and therefore was a huge part of my emotional turmoil raging inside me.
I was afraid I would push her away, like with everyone else. I was afraid she would leave me, and that was the last thing I wanted. She got pregnant, and we fell in love, had our son, Maxx, and got married shortly after his first birthday. I stopped getting into peoples problems, afraid tat if I got too serious about it she would leave me, that she wouldn't want to be a part of my life anymore, and that terrified me. So for the past, almost three years, I have been denying myself something I feel is the most pure aspect of myself. I care about people, because everyone needs to be cared about by someone right?
I have been accused of my care not being genuine, that ultimately I am just doing it too feel good about myself. When I heard that I did some personal reflection, was it true? Could I just be being a selfish person? I have decided, no, I really do care about that person, and their problems, I have proved it on several occasions. Hell I dated a suicidal teenager, when I was a teenager of course, who lived across the states for a year, helping her through all of her problems. I didnt do it for the happiness it gave me, I did it because I HATE when people are sad. I HATE when people felt given up on. If you have the chance to do something nice, and help someone, then why not do it? Who cares if they dont thank you?
I was able to talk to my wife, and we discussed everything I have been feeling, and what this game, thus far has made me feel. SO MANY FEELS! Now I dont plan on playing the next story for a day or two while I sort everything out. I am especially afraid, the next girl i decided to follow is what the song "Touch" is about, one of the scenes in her path. I am scared, I love this song, It sticks with me, it is with me, I fear, on a subconscious level, and that this path will lead to more emotional, wall-crumbling, revelations.
This whole game has caused this in me. It hasn't been... life altering, but it is like my life has been shifted into a new path, and I believe it is finally going in a better direction, rather than being stuck in a rut.
I guess that is it, and while, some may not think of this as a big deal, that is fine. The thing that matters is, it was a big deal for me, and I have grown from it. This weekend I grew mentally and emotionally, and I felt the need to share with whoever it is that views these journals.
Thank you, there is more I have not gotten out here, I wasn't sure where to put it, but just this has helped me a little bit more. So again, thank you for wanting to read on to this point, hopefully I have not made you sad, because that is not the point, I want everyone too be happy, and I am at a point in my life where I am ready to start helping again.
All because of a game.
