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If you could read this, and talk to the person writing it, what would you say? Would you hold her and comfort her? Or would you stand aside and let her spiral out of control?
That Moment of "Oh."
The moment of "oh" can happen anywhere, anytime. It's not a bad thing, it's sort of like a light bulb. You're enlightened, something has been revealed and it has managed to render you so speechless you're only response is:

"... Oh."

This, of course, happens as your brain tries to process what it is that just happen to mind ******** you.

Well, I seem to have this problem.

A friend of mine that I've known for a few years and I have reconnected. We've talked on and off, but things always just went awry and we went our separate (<- LOOKS LIKE IT'S SPELLED WRONG!!!) ways. Granted, some time would pass and we'd text each other occasionally, dropping a line to make sure the other was doing alright.

This... Loss of contact and then reconnecting thing happened because I got used to the idea that "he's out of my league." I've had a crush on him for years, on and off, but my mind always reminded me of the painful obviousness of why we would a) never be together and b) that he was WAY out of my league.

Well... He broke up with his girlfriend, so I've been helping him through that. He's not torn up about it, he never really wallowed in self-pity. He takes it head on and then moves on because he learned it's easier to deal with life as a whole that way. It's an admirable trait, really, in a man.

Well, the other day we were talking on Skype. He kept asking if something was wrong, and I was just reminding myself mentally that I was fantasizing like a school girl, that my childish heart was trying to jump to conclusions and make something happen when it wasn't. After enough prodding, he and I discussed the whole problem, which started with me admitting my crush on him.

Not only did he manage to make me blush more times in one evening than my friends do in the entire course of our friendship, he rendered me speechless. Me, the English major, the published author, speechless. I was stunned.

He reciprocated the same feelings.

Thus my own: "Oh!" moment. I was... torn. The urge to experience something different with him makes me quiver with need to experience something outside of a friendship that has sexual conversations. I'm... Less experienced than most, only having sex a whopping 2 times, but I've always wanted to know... more about sex. To experience what it is everyone else experiences, which is sex just multiple times over.

I just... have standards. I can't just go out and ******** randomly. Sadly, no matter how much I've thought about it, I could never do it. I need that level of trust with someone, to be able to trust the fact that I'm not going to get hurt.

Even if it means that for every time after, it's not. I'll get hurt in life, that's no problem, nor surprise, for me. But... Damn.

I'm torn... I want him, but I'm in doubt.

********. My. Life.

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