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Almost a year since my last entry. It's hard to believe all the changes that have happened since then. It feels like it should have been longer.

Since last time, I've moved to a city for the first time with my dad, my brother, and my dad's girlfriend with her daughters. Her oldest daughter stays here every weekend, though, while her two younger come every other weekend. We basically left my sister and her boyfriend behind at the old place, but now they are living in the same city as well. I've been taking care of my brother more, it seems, and school seems more demanding than it was before. Despite that, I've also been able to get out of the house more, although not that much. It's a step, I guess. Just wish there was more I could do outside the house. I'm now Spring Break right now, but most of this time has been spent indoors. It's mostly my fault for staying up so later this week. But it is a nice change, I think. The other day, I found out that the waiting list for homes for the mentally disabled is so long that my dad will probably not see my brother be placed in one in his lifetime, which might not be long with his diabetes and all. My anxiety hasn't been good to me lately as sometimes I have problems breathing, out of no where it seems too. I'm not going to be able to live my life at this rate. I'm just so conflicted with my thoughts in what I should be doing, thinking, what I should want, need, love, hate; s**t like that. I can't seem to handle it all. I wish I could be pissed off for once. But not just that, I mean going off so bad that it makes a difference or something. Actually get my voiced heard and have it mattered. But NO!!! "There are some things you don't know about". Well, if it's something that is so big that no matter what the hell I say will be taken into account, maybe I should know so I can give a fair response. But I guess I don't matter enough to know everything. Nope. All I'm good for is watching my brother and keeping myself busy with school, watching TV, and doing other minor responsibilities thrust my way. In the end, I don't matter. They might make it seem that I do, but I really don't. I'm just a cash cow and penny saver.... EMO HOUR!!! ^0^