Today I finally found the perfect moment to tell him I loved him. After spending a weekend together, he had to leave to resume his daily school life. I was stricken by the concept of his departure and begged him to stay one more day, but he couldn't, and I know he couldn't. So we went to the bus station together via taxi, and waited in line so he could process his ticket and throw his luggage onboard. The bus wasn't going to leave for at least another ten minutes, so he was just going to have a few last moments with me before boarding. However, after the bus driver clipped his ticket, he said he had to get on the bus at that very moment. Ugh, another hasty shuffle onto the bus. He kissed me then gave a brief goodbye, and turned to board, but I stopped him. I had been planning to say it then, before he left, but the words wouldn't leave my throat. I'm not used to saying them. At least twice he tried to leave but I kept pulling him back, just looking at him longingly and struggling to put voice to what I was thinking, and finally after I tugged him back a final time I managed it. Not as strongly as I would of hoped (it came out in the form of a question) but I did it, and I was happy I did. Even happier that he returned it. Then he was gone.
Now I'm sitting here, writing about him, knowing it's gonna be another long three weeks. The summer cannot come fast enough. Not only for the beautiful weather, but because he'll get to come stay here, and it will be perfect. No, I don't mean happy fairytale bliss perfect, because that doesn't exist, I just mean... imperfectly perfect. The feeling shared between us is what's perfect. If I could describe what he meant to me, I could only say everything. He is what gives the colour to my world. I don't want to imagine my life without him anymore. It would feel too cruel, lonely, and pointless. I don't get any summer holidays but just having him be there with me in the mornings and when I come home from work will be enough for me, and then there are the days off I will have.
I think I'll just go to bed and pray that when I wake up it will already be here.
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