WARNING: I do not necessarily make any sense at all. my thought pattern is random and goes places that are strange. you have been warned

as a child I did not fear things, for I did not know how to fear. things were not different in and of themselves, but the way that I saw things was. trust came easy, love was free, pain was only phyical. as I grew up, I started seeing things more complexly, I started feelings things differently, the seeds of worry were always there, but they grew as I did. the more new things hurt me, the more I became fearful of the unknown. the more I think, the less I feel, the less I see. I shut out a world of strange unknowns and cling to the world that is clearly deifined and explored. but I do not want to. I want to break out of this world of black and white. I want to lift my head high and stride into the world of greys, and complex situations that do not nessicarly have a clear begining and will not have a clear ending. I was to see, I want to FEEL the world around me, I want to stop thinking and start BEING. life will change, I cannot stop it. I will grow old, I can also not stop that. there are many things that I have no controll over, but I want to revel and the joy of being here for however long it shall be. I don't want to be trapped in a world where I am always attempting to atain some kind of standart. I don't want to fear things that I can't know.