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I don't miss you as much if you pay a lot of attention to me. I guess that is why the verb is "pay" because you exchanging something. He is giving me attention so that I stay sane.

Obviously that isn't a conscious thought process, but it is how it works.

Also, I don't think this should be a semi-private thought, but I'll write it here anyway -- maybe make a thread later. The importance of the word "love", or maybe the strength and meaning, to me is very significant. I love with my entire heart, my entire soul and my freedom. I will never say it unless I really mean it. I don't care if this makes me afraid, but when I do say I love someone, at the time, I mean I would die for them. I would literally jump in front of a speeding train if it meant they would be safe forever.

I think I mostly am scared of saying it because I feel I will regret it later. I just need to remeber that at the time that I say it I really do mean it. Times do change, and so do feelings. And boy do I know change of feelings.

Of course, when I say love, I mean both in the sense of friendship, but also in the sense of real (used loosly there) love with one partner.