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Andromeda's Writings
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Top Five Reasons Why I'm Not Playing Your Videogame
Number One
I can't finish it. Super Mario series I'm looking at you. The Mario games are the WORST POPULAR VIDEOGAME SERIES I've ever come across. You know how many games in this series I've not finished. It's ********' crazy.

Never finished the NES one. Never finished the second one. Never finished Fake Mario Two. Couldn't finish Mario Galaxy because of that stupid camera glitch in the tower in the desert. Keeps making me go the wrong direction.

If I, the average player, can't finish your game because the difficulty just jumps up there for no good reason your game is bad. End of story. I finished Super Mario WII by ACCIDENT. ********' accident. Total fluke. And that was a week of trying over and over again.

There was another game Sigma Star, I think it was. Had a glitch where if you moved wrong in a certain level, your game would loop and loop forever. Didn't know what the hell happened until I looked it up online. At that point I said ******** it. No game is worth that much ridiculousness.

Number Two
The game is First Person Point of View only.

I'm staring at you Metroid Prime series. Destroyed the damn Metroid series for me. Not everyone is good at playing First Person PoV games. I'm definitely not one of them. I can't even GET TO THE FIRST BOSS in the first Metroid Prime because of this. And if I can't finish your game, your game is bad. If I can't even get to the first boss, your game is REALLY bad. No excuses for that s**t.

Learn from Skyrim and Dark Souls dumb a** game creators. You want First Person Point of view in your game? Fine. But make an option for 3rd person too. Sheesh. Not that hard. FPS games are the bane of my existence. Which sucks because they actually look kinda good. Would have picked up Crysis 2 if it wasn't FPS only. You lose my money. Sucks for you.

Number Three
I have to play "Where's Waldo/Carmen Sandiego" so they can tell me where the ******** I should go next. Better yet, I gotta talk to EVERYONE in the area before the game lets me continue.

This wasn't fun back in the days of Nintendo power. It's still not fun guys.

There's a reason why I'm scared out my a** to even attempt a LoZ wii game. I'm not going through that s**t. Played Lttp; The Oracle of Ages and Seasons, and another one. ALL of them required me using gamefaqs (noted below) and playing 20 questions with everyone ******** NPC in the damn game. Repeatedly. I'm not playing an educational game. Why the ******** do I need notes.

Number Four
I have to look up GameFaqs just to complete your game.

I'm looking at you, Final Fantasy Series. Kingdom Hearts. All those damn games. If people are writing walkthroughs that print out to over 100 pages, there's something wrong with your game. Hell, over 10 is too much. I'm not talking about statistics and secrets and s**t. I'm talking about just where the hell to go needing a gamefaq.

Again, this wasn't fun back in the days of Nintendo Power. It's STILL. NOT. FUN. I like completing videogames by myself. A more linear path is lovely. There's a reason why Mystic Quest is one of my FAVORITE VIDEOGAMES.

Number Five
Your game contains any of the following in copious unecessary amounts:
Blood, Violence, Gore, Scantily Clad Men, Scantily Clad Women, Sex

CoD, FPS games, War games. I'm looking at you. No I'm not sure why the hell you'd come out with a game that hypothesizes what would happen to the people in the US and around the World if China teamed up with Northern Korea and took over the world and I damn don't wanna play a game about it. Videogames are about getting AWAY from the threats in real life. You're not helping.

By the way, stop making your female characters fight in the snow wearing a pair of short shorts and heels. I don't care if you're catering your game to males. It makes no sense.

All of these in too much amounts and it's not specifically a game in that genre that pretty much requires those things makes your game bad. Complete turn off.

In no particular order

A - Your gameplay mechanics require Gamefaqs.

I'm staring at you Mario Kart WII. You're a WII game. Your game should be easiest to play with a WII remote. Not a Gamecube Controller. That doesn't even make sense. No, I don't want to go out to buy another controller just to play your damn game easier. Bad enough I paid like 50 bucks for it upfront. Don't bullshit me please.

B - Your leveling up system and your difficulty curve are ridiculous.

I still remember that Megaman RPG game where one level was too easy and the next section of the game was ******** hard to the point where YOU COULDN"T COMPLETE THE GAME if you went on ahead without spending hours upon hours leveling up through beating enemies you're one-hit KO-ing. Bad game mechanics are bad. Don't do this guys.

C - Your game makes me angry while playing it
Your game shouldn't piss me off. I play videogames to relax. There's a difference between frustration and throwing my controller at the wall rage. The second is bad. I'm too poor to be breaking my videogame controllers. The first is annoying, but bearable.

I'll add more as I think of them if I remember. It's sad. Game creators keep doing this things. If it's not one thing it's another. And slowly but surely I'm falling out of the videogame scene because they keep doing this stupid s**t, and it's just not worth the annoyance. I wonder if VG creators will ever learn.

Andromeda Phoenix
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