f*ck f*ck f*ck.. I feel like I am breaking.. All I ever wanted was to be happy. f*ck it all, I was never ment to be happy, was I? I hate this. I hate myself, I hate everythnig... I want to end it, but I can't do that.. I just want to know that everything I am doing pays off in the end... is that so much to ask?