dear sabina xanthe, my baby girl, i woke up because my head is aching. so i just went to gaia where no one knows me that much...or so close to me that i will be judged. as i was writing one of my posts to a friend named natnat, i realized something about my past relationship with your father. i realized that i tried my very best to please him, but, since there will really be people who you will not be able to please, and that was your father. i do not regret having tried my best to please him because i wanted to save our marriage,but i regret giving up my principles, dignity, and respect for myself, just to make our relationship work. i lost me...for a while. but when you were inside my tummy, i had to think quick and be practical for your safety inside my tummy. i chose to survive with you in my tummy, but without him. it was because he was the source of my misery. he was trying to destroy you and me because he was afraid. he was scared of the situation he created and put himself into. he felt stuck and he needed somebody to be his stress ball. unfortunately, he tried to make us his stress ball by the mean and cruel things he said and how he treated us while you were still inside my tummy. despite of all the things your father did, we will still wish him well. it's because we will retain our good heart. while you are asleep, you called my name. you said 'mommy'! which you hardly ever say because you only say mama. i am happy. i love you my little one! while we may be struggling financially, know that mommy will never ever let you down.
minicupcake101 · Sun Dec 11, 2011 @ 07:34pm · 0 Comments |