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This week has been bad could be worse.
I refuse to allow myself to complain I hate complaining.
I also hate lying but I'm forced to do it a lot lately I guess.
Just a few things I hate about myself just the little insecurities.
No one loves themselves 100% I guess.
The day I love myself 100% is the day I stop biting my nails.
I try to stop but I always forget where I put my rip things.
I also can't remember many memories.
When I do it's usually because I'm angry or sad.
Never because I'm happy and just want to remember.
Though when someone brings up a memory I usually remember 5 others.
I remember every dream I have usually because there so vivid it seems real to me.
That's where the hallucinations come in.
I usually hide it in front of other people and shrug it off as if it were nothing.
Through pleading eyes I sigh I guess.
Also no one else seems to notice them either so that helps.
I've seen about 5 shooting stars this week I believe.
I was pretty clear on what I wanted or so I thought.
Maybe the astral worlds don't understand english.
Or they just want us to understand what we've been given.
I understand half of it but the other half is a puzzle.
I'm really bad at puzzles I try though to understand people.
I always toot my own horn and think I'm great but I'm often wrong.
The shock sets in and I start to break down but I hold it in.
My eyes get really dry when I feel like crying so it hardly ever happens.
My eyes also bleed often when I cry so I don't like to cry in front of others.
I can't remember ever crying in front of anyone besides my mom.
She truly seems to care about me I guess unconditional love and all.
Though sometimes I'm mean to her I guess I really am a d**k.
I don't understand why though I'm just me maybe everyone else is just sensitive.
Though I've been called sensitive tons of times.
I'm still a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've also been told I'm easy to read though no one seems to understand me.
They know what I think but they just don't get it I guess.
I don't even get it half the things I say don't make sense when I think about it.
I just know which is a contradiction.
Another thing I dislike about myself.
Though maybe if I notice the things I hate about me I'll understand other better.
This is starting to sound lame.
It's only been a week.
So much has happened in this week.
It sorta makes me want to leave but I still like it here and the people...
Ughhhhh you never know when s**t gets real.
******** but when it does you never notice till it's too late.
Though I am pretty good at taking the good with the bad.
All I know is that too much bad has happened so tons of good is bound to come.
Optimistic a thing I love about myself.
Though I have been called a downer a thing I dislike about my self.
Contradiction.
It happens too much in my thoughts.
I wonder if maybe I think too much but that can't be true.
My thoughts are usually interrupted before they get too deep anyway.
Until I'm home alone and I get to sulk.
I love thinking it helps me stay calm I guess.
Maybe because my imagination is just so thrilling to me.
Though nothing I imagine becomes reality.
It's still beautiful....soooooooo close ********.
I honestly cannot wait for monday!!!!!
Though like always it wont go the way I imagine it.
It might even end up being horrible still but hey all I can do is hope.
Which is something we all have and need more of.
I believe were all born with hope we just lose it too easily I guess.
I wont give up I'm pretty a persistent person.
When I really want something even if I don't know why I stay dedicated.
Though I can understand how that can annoy people.
It just so happens to be my way of life I guess I can't remember being different.
Maybe I was different maybe I used to be someone else.
Maybe everything I am now is new.
Maybe I'll change again one day when I can't remember now.