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Pandora's Box [v.4: Paradoxical Tastes and Interests]
you're lucky if I remember that this exists.
Lightning Flashes; Thunder Crashes; Rain leaves me
^actually not as dark as it sounds, it's just a reference to the weather.

I didn't wake up 'til noon today; didn't go to bed until seven or eight am, I forget which. Seven thirty, I think. I really didn't want to go to sleep. Anyways, an ex sister in law of my mom, on her husband's side, wanted to talk with her, but I guess her and my mom's husband's ex-wife didn't know that she was in the hospital. So my "aunt" called after I took a shower, and I informed her of this. She asked if there was anything that we needed, and I told her that I could use a ride down there, since I figured this was God's way of making sure I got my a** down there.
It was also God's way of making sure I had groceries for the month. x3x Went to Sam's club, and the 99, and enjoyed eating out for the first time in some months [and before that, since... the last time *SunshineCasy's parents took us out to Sizzler?] at an actual restaurant, not some fast food joint. I now have hot dogs, taco shells, canned soup/pasta, buns, a box of the beef terriyaki chow mein, and some other little stuff. I shan't go hungry. [provided some one doesn't eat it, which is why everything is being marked and/or hid in my room] And she paid for most of that stuff for me, which was super nice and awesome and greatly appreciated because ;n; $60 at Sam's Club = crying forever.

As for my mom, they didn't see anything on the CAT scan, so they're thinking it has something to do with her sugar. She's diabetic, but she's been good about her sugar level. That said, my Aunt Shirley and aunt Sherri both gave anecdotes of people they knew who had leg or sight issues due to their sugar. My mother also is having issues with her sight, so she can't really read or play her brain games on the DS. They want her to do physical therapy, so they can see how much she can handle currently, and she's gonna have a lumbar puncture tomorrow. She's probably going to be in the hospital for another week, at this rate.

Not many of us are of the belief that she will be around for long; not outliving her mother, either. I think I had known since my Uncle John's funeral that my grandmother was going to lose a third person before she, herself, went (out of grief, possibly), but I had no idea who. I didn't want to think it would be my mom, possibly.

I got the housing thing cleared up a bit; the state/MediCal will take the house. My father's name is still on the deed, and her passing it onto I or someone else would count as "fraud" [what bullshit; what if she had her name on the house for 20 ******** years and s**t like this happens? Why the hell can't her next of kin get this s**t? ******** bull s**t.]. However, because his name is still on half of it, when the state forces him to sell the house, he'll get half of the money. And, hopefully, it'll go to us three kids. [Except there have been some situations in the past where he was supposed to give us money and it never happened, but I never paid much attention to it, because I've always been learned that s**t just happens and you lay down and take it until you can find a new hole to hide in. :/ What wonderful and uplifting role models I've had.] My dad still wants me to go live with him, I've heard, but I dunno. Maybe after college I'll think about it, but it's a no until I get my degree. I might start looking at selling these old Shonen Jump and two Asuka magazines, just because they're spacetakers. I dunno what I'mma do about all my books, but at least I don't need a big storage space for a lot of it. My room's probably just about the size of a storage place? Hell if I know. And my boss said he'd help me find storage places.

I called my boss and told him that I haven't been able to work on the papers yet because of how I had to play phone tag this weekend and how my family wanted me to see my mom today. He understands and says that as long as I can get 'em done this week, it's fine. He called me a tough cookie, too. xD; I told him the nutshell of above, mostly because I still don't trust my voice fully when talking about things. And when he dropped the papers off at the beginning of the weekend, he recommended that I see about the psychological services at CPP. [He also tried his best to say it in a non offensive way. xD;;; Y'know, so I didn't think that he was calling me psycho]. I might look into it tomorra, I dunno. I gotta check out stuff with the EOP anyways, I guess, and I have no reason to go home anymore, except for food [which I should make either tonight or tomorrow], until my mom gets back and needs a caretaker. I kinda don't wanna do anything right now, though. I just wanna take a deep breath before I try to plow through all this s**t, make sure I got a bunker ready and whatever else I'll need.

I might not be online a lot, or maybe I'll be online more; I don't feel good with the internet as an escapism, but it's the only way I can keep in contact with a lot of my friends, since *cough cough* SOME of them can't call me, even when I ask/tell them to. [He knows who he is]. But yeah, if you guys got my home number, please try to call me over the weekends? Or early morning on MW. I'm PST time, and I usually leave no later than noon those days, earliest at ten am. Anyways, if I had a way to keep in contact with most of you more and keep you all updated without getting aggro over repeating the same info ad nauseum, I'd do it. Alas, I can't, so I feel kind of chained to the internet, if I want to talk to the best of ya.

But, y'know, I never really realize how many people really do care about me and what happens until stuff like this pops up. It's really weird, because I'm so used to family being so distant, so stranger-like. I honestly thought my Aunt Sherri was on my MOM'S side of the family, and she's actually on her husband's side. xD I didn't know it until we got to the hospital.

Oh, and it was raining! <3 And lightning and thundering and soaking and I loved it! It didn't do it until it got dark though, and I'm like a rain repellent, because it never rains when I go out, or always gets lighter. XD It's never at its worse when I need to walk through it. Which is both kind of very cool, weird, and sad-making. [I love the rain!] I couldn't really think of a title, though, and the weather seemed kind of foreshadowing, when I tried to describe it. Or when you usually hear thunder, it's before a bad storm, and the worse it sounds, the worse it'll be. [It actually wasn't that bad when the thunder was so epicly awesome. It sounded all scary, horror story apocalypse, and the worst that happened was that it rained hard only during THEN. xD It got lighter. And it didn't even start pouring until after we had been in the store for awhile, and I thought it was machinery or something in the store. /never been in a Sam's Club before]
And things are starting to hit a down slope. And I'm not terrified of the end. I know I'll be alright in the end. I know I'll be alright the last year of college. I'm nervous-scared about the moving out thing, like any other person who has to live on their own and without a handbook on how to live without family or friends hooking them up, but it's also kind of exciting. And I've always wanted to get out of the house. Not under these circumstances, but I have always wanted to go someplace else. It's about time that I move on. I just need to start preparing for it.

Oh, but yeah. I love you all for your support, thoughts, prayers, advices, witticisms, comments, and whatever else you've done. <3 It helps make this s**t a little easier to bear, knowing that so many people out there care. It really does help give me strength.

Melody Hikari-Shinu Anson
Community Member
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