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Pandora's Box [v.4: Paradoxical Tastes and Interests]
you're lucky if I remember that this exists.
moar unpleasant stuff
c/p DevArt

My mom has to do a Gamma Knife radiation procedure thing, because she has a spot or two in her brain. My grandma and Aunt Sandy took her to the procedure while I was struggling to keep myself from saying "f*ck it" to the day and/or skip class. I really didn't want to be there while they were helping her. It also pisses me off a bit, to see her weaker than her mother. [56 and 70 something, respectively]
I looked up the Gamma Knife radiation thing on a few places. They make it all sound relatively safe, or list no real risks [I had to go wikipedia to find any, and it was just something on radiation overdosing. I don't think I need to worry about that.]. It sounds like what I was told in my biopsych class, about how these small radiation beams meet at one point and pretty much fry away any tumor.
Totally sounds safe, radiation STRAIGHT TO THE BRAIN, rite gaiz? =/

Ugh, I don't wanna go home. I'm afraid of finding out that something bad happened during this procedure and that it somehow ended up The Worst Case Scenario, even though this isn't the procedure for The Worst Case Scenario. I even know that it isn't going to end with that, but I'm still f*cking terrified. I can't be responsible for her. I can't. I don't even get the chance to be responsible for myself and I'm expected to be responsible for her....?
To explain, The Worst Case Scenario means the Gamma Knife doesn't work [but it has high success, apparently?]. It means they actually have to go in there and operate. She could lose part of her brain/functioning, have to relearn things, and maybe forget things. She didn't tell me all the details, 'cause she was afraid herself, but it pretty much made it sound like she would go into a toddler/newborn mental status. I... can not do that. I can not take care of her if she turns into that. I can't be responsible for another life. Hell, I don't even want kids, or even to adopt anyone younger than ten. I don't want to have to be responsible and patience for all of that. I just... can't.
Or she dies. That's the scenario right before The Worst Case, only because it won't be so aggravating/agonizing/piss-making, having to be patient with someone who used to know how to do things. Oh, and the house costs like $1000~$1200 a month and I only pay for $400 of it and all the other financial implications that follow and sh*t.

'course, there's a lot I haven't been told.

So I guess, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers? Because I don't want my prediction to come true. I hate it when they do.

Melody Hikari-Shinu Anson
Community Member
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