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Pandora's Box [v.4: Paradoxical Tastes and Interests]
you're lucky if I remember that this exists.
Please excuse the incoherency
So uh my mom talked to me. She's got two spots in their brain. It's not what's causing her walking problems, either.
She's finally told me that I need to start thinking about where I'm gonna live when she dies. She says that she's gonna fight it, but even I got the feeling that she knew all she was going to end up doing is fighting for more time.
She's having to use a walker to get around here now. And she asked me if I wanted the car when she's gone. And I asked her if there was any way I could get the house, but it's like $1000~$1200 a month. That's not that bad, considering some places for rent go that much, but even if I got my older brother and sister to move in, and they're struggling with $500/mo, and I pay $400 and some change [I could start trying to pay $500, to see how that budgets out], but like, she can't walk anywhere, she's using a wheeler, and just seeing her so... helpless kind of pisses me off. I don't want to stay here, but everyone expects me to pick up after the mess she'll be turned into. 'cause that's what she says will happen; that she'll have to relearn things if they go in there to do chemo.
I don't really want to think about this, guys. I don't want to deal with this until after I've graduated college, but I predicted back in freshman year that it was gonna be before I graduated with a BA. And I can't ******** up my education; I can't take any breaks or leaves; I don't want to have to deal with the bullshit of reapplying. And then I don't have cal grant after this year [4 years max] and I... I..
I'm really scared for how s**t's gonna lay out, guys. I know that God has a plan for everything, and that he'll provide, and I'm not that bothered by my mom dying.... just everything that happens AFTER. 'cause I know that once she's gone, that's when the final barrier that's keeping me from the full force of the world is gonna go down.

So like, keep us in prayer and s**t. At least my aunts are making sure she gets the divorce done so her husband can't claim the house and kick me out. Because everyone expects that.

Melody Hikari-Shinu Anson
Community Member
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