(if you please)

I don't know what I want, I don't know what to do, I don't know about not knowing and as stupid and impossible as that sounds it's possible. Today I have too much time on my hands, that means too much to waste and do nothing but when I have no time it's obvious that I have everything done in a stupid neat pile. Now, what's wrong with me today?

Who the hell knows!

This last week of September and ending yesterday or possibly today was the end of a VERY, VERY emotional week and because it was happening all around me, I guess it was hard to keep up with what is what. But that's not the problem, the problem is why the hell do I feel like crap right now when everything has finally settled down and calm?

Why? Because it JUST hit.
And it sucks.

It feels like the my old self can jump out at any time, even though I worked so hard to keep her locked in....Though, the thoughts aren't helping....

Just bear for a second and I swear I might tell you something that I hope you think is important....

' Things aren't normal anymore, no they were never normal.... things won't ever be the same anymore, and there's no denying that. We all have are demons that we face, all the problems that we have, we all face those on our own in our own way....but I'm pretty sure dying in a sea of problems and demons and NOT asking for help is the quickest way to die, so until then my dear, I shall see you to the next ...that is if you can still breathe.'

And if you must know that I'm not like this anymore and I know I shouldn't be, but I know it's coming back; all I have to do is hope that it won't come back stronger than ever....

Until the next time, or if there is one
</3 My dear