Who even gets on this website anymore? LOL... anyway, that is not what ive had on my mind just about the last week.
I stare helplessly down at the application on the wooden desk. The empty slots where the writing should be are the most intimidating things of this whole mess. The decession on wether or not i am going to be going to college anytime soon lingers on, corrupting my mind. I gulp, picking up the pen, stalling --- i don't want to write anything. If i do i will be commiting myself to something that i have for so long tried not to think about. For a hope that i can hang on the the innocent little kid inside that peeks over my shoulder, telling not to fill out the form. But my gut says something different. He is telling me that its time to move on, to leave these childish thoughts behind me like the rest of the world. "You are a grown up now" he says. And as much as i want to believe him, as much as my hand wants to put down a letter or number, it hovers over the first line, and wont move. I take a breath, remembering the times that have passed me by. Thinking that i never really got to be a teenager like everyone else because i was so shy in highschool, and my Grandma's death made me miss out on a lot of middle school. Why would i want to move on now when i could just stay here and be someone i did not get the chance to? I could just let time stand still, filling my dreams with hope, but at what cost? Others will move on, i will grow old. Be the person i planned to never be, lost, in the state of childhood forever, or at least to the point where i may be to late. Still, with all the thoughts the flow over and over again in my head, i take a bold step and in a calm, swift move, i write down the letter S. The first step into moving forward, and i can already feel the life i knew drift away.
So yeah, i guess those are the thoughts before me, the problems my family has with money and the fact that i was never really taught how to be an adult makes this choice so much harder. I am going to have to grow up and start to do things on my own and make a future for myself. No one knows where life is going to take them, but they can only hope for the best.
Till next time i guess,
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