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I've made a decision....This time, I'm sticking with it. Journal....Today my ex found me on my old Facebook, which I had forgotten about the account until today. Then I logged on and she had found me and sent me something. Well...I added her to my new account and she's now 20. I think she's married, and she told me she has one kid and another one on the way. She looks a lot like I remember her when we were e-dating, I remember those days and even the necklace she gave me.

Journal, the point is....I've realized everyone is so far ahead of me in life. Everyone has jobs, everyone has a shoulder to cry on or somebody to hug and kiss when they aren't feeling like they're worth. Everyone is just...So far ahead in life. And here I am 22, gonna be 23 in April. I'M JUST SO SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS! I'm tired of not having work, of not having money, of not knowing how to count money. Of being alone, yeah I have family...Friends, but that only closes so much of this gap.

I want a job, I want money, I want to learn how to finish doing money and doing math, I want to...Find someone with a good heart who will be willing to look past physical appearances (Yeah...I still need to get dental implants, maybe I can make the money.) I want to just get ahead with my life, I'm only growing older and I'm realizing just how far ahead everyone is of me. So....I'm going to go back and live with Roxie, hopefully....And get ahead in life. Lose weight, start shaving everysingle day, go to work, make friends again, and maybe and hopefully more than anything else, fall in love and be loved back in return.

This is....What I want....It really is....I want to stop feeling like I'm worth nothing, and feel like I'm worth something. I'M SO SICK OF IT!! I want to be something....I want to do something...I want to do stuff and have stuff I can go up and tell all my online friends and family, I have this and that. crying