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I'll prove it,
I can be trusted.
I can be the head.
I am the leader.

Time is closing in and I'm feeling the breath of temptation at the nape of my neck. I've seen, not once, but twice, images that resemble him. I'm not the only one who was infected.

He still wanders somewhere. It's miraculous. I can resist him now. I can no longer give in to the "love" temptation. He's tried. Believe me. He's tried some drastic things. It's torture. But, I haven't given in. Even when I want to believe, the fantasy melts. I don't think he's my ideal anymore.

That's a great step for me.

I know it sounds strange. I know it's hard to hear that I have thought of him but take comfort in that he doesn't have the same effect on me anymore. He can't control me. Sure, he stresses me out still cause I certainly don't like imagining him or having my mind bring him up. No, I do not like that at all. It's like, your mind has gone behind your back. In the end though, I win. I am in control. I can force him away at the very least, I can win at that.

So then what's new with me? Well I've been thinking a lot about all sorts of things.

I'm getting a job over the summer, like I actually have it set up for me. I'll be in Sac for the summer. There's this guy that I was interested in back in January and we chatted up till March then he like dropped off the face of the planet. He messaged me and we're talking again. I really like him. He drives me crazy. He's sweet and dashing and just... more than you can imagine. I'm nervous about going back home cause my brother won't be there for most of the summer and I need him. I need him. I can't be there alone. I don't want to be there alone. I'm weak. Maybe with this guy, I can escape for long periods of time. It'll be like running away for a weekend. Maybe. I really try not to think about it. More stress, y'know.

I might take a break to draw. Though I really hate thinking about him, it might be good for me to draw him out on paper to get him out of my head. I don't know what else to do. I'm at a loss. My therapy ends this Tuesday and it hasn't been working for about two months. It hasn't helped much, not since I cried about Dev. He said something that I couldn't forgive. He pushed me too far. And I can't forgive him. Ever. She's one of my best friends. He shouldn't have ever said what he did, even if he thinks it's true. That kind of advice should come from me first. I don't want to hear it EVER AGAIN. NEVER.