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Are you ready?
Stop it, will you? Just stop it. >:/
Saturday, March 26, 2011

Dear Anthony...

Stop it. Just stop it already. I'm tired of your crap, Anthony. So what if you're religious? I'm not, okay? And just like I respect that you're religious, you have to respect that I'm not. I'm ******** tired of you correcting me every time I say a Goddamn sentence. I say hell, you correct me by saying heck. If I say Jesus in a fit of frustration, you say: "Jaz, don't say stupid stuff like that."

First of all....EVERYTHING I say is stupid to you! :/
Stop correcting me. It's a free country. I can say whatever the hell I want. I can name plenty of times where you and your family opened your mouths to say things that I thought was stupid and offensive but unlike you, I keep my mouth shut because they can say whatever they want because this is America and in case you forgot, we have a thing called the 1st Amendment. It's annoying when you correct me all the ******** time. It's okay if it's occasional, but you're doing it more now and it's getting on my ******** last nerves. I can't help that I talk like that! I didn't grow up in a house full of religious nut jobs! So of course I talk differently than you. All right? Get the ******** over it! Either you need to start respecting me and my background or you can just ******** leave and find yourself a girlfriend who's as ******** religious as you are. Then you can have a happily ever ******** after.

Secondly...stop scolding me like if I'm your daughter, because I'm not, Anthony. I'm your girlfriend, do you understand? Your girlfriend. Want me to repeat it? GIRLFRIEND. Here, I'll spell it out for you: G-I-R-L-F-R-I-E-N-D. Not daughter.
You're not my ******** father so stop acting like you are. I'm a grown adult, I can handle my own s**t, my own business. I really am appreciative because I know you worry and stuff like that and that's sweet, but there's a ******** limit. There's a limit between worrying like a boyfriend and worrying like a father. And you're not my ******** father, Anthony. You're not. Kapeesh?

Lastly, I'm not perfect, Anthony. I can say that. In fact I'm the most flawed b***h in the universe, but honey, you don't have to constantly remind me of that. I know already. Stop putting me down. You say things like: "This is why I can never talk you about anything." or "Your not gonna be like that all day because I plan on having fun." and "Stop putting words into my mouth."
Okay, I get it. But you never give me a chance to explain myself. You NEVER give me a chance to defend myself because every single time I do, you go on some fit where you have to tell me all the mistakes I make, how ******** imperfect I am, how you can never do this or that with me, or some other crap. Always throwing salt in an open wound. Well buddy, there's a lot of s**t I can talk about you too. But I don't. Why? Because unlike you, again, I'm actually considerate of the feelings of the person that I love or am supposed to love because I'm having a pretty ******** hard time loving you lately.
What the hell do you want me to do, Anthony? Oh, I'm supposed to suck in my feelings and never talk about them. I'm supposed to have a big ******** fake smile on my face everywhere I go with you. I can't ever squash things with you because you never want to ******** listen or you never want to talk about "feelings" because you think it's stupid. As if my self esteem wasn't low enough, you have to always knock it down even further. I'm not all sunshine and rainbows with you either, but at least I try to be a better girlfriend by always trying to make you happy. But ******** Christ, Anthony. Let me defend myself!!

I love you, I do. They say that a relationship can only grow and become stronger when the toughest of obstacles have been overcome. I'm trying so hard to have faith. To have faith in you, in us. But I'm getting so tired. You make me feel as if nothing I do is ever enough for you. Always reminding me of how I'm not the girl of your dreams. When the only time you think I'm doing something right is when we have sex. Why? I try so hard to make you happy, to make your life worth living. Is it so wrong for me to express how I feel every once in a while? Why is it so hard for you to understand that...? Are you just simply tolerating me? It's not my fault that I am the way that I am. Why don't you accept me? I should be happy with you but right now, I'm not. I'm just not...
You're the bane of my existence but the light of my life. You make me want to feel so alive yet at the same time, you make me want to shoot myself in the head.

Community Member
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  • User Comments: [2]
    Who is Anthony?

    comment Devil Overdue · Community Member · Sun Mar 27, 2011 @ 03:21am
    Jaz...He should read this...I don't like that you're going through worse than I am it seems....don't let this keep going. I love you, I don't want you to feel like this too long. He needs to listen.

    comment Nostariel Nyx · Community Member · Thu Mar 31, 2011 @ 05:12am
    User Comments: [2]

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