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I'm not quite sure how to convey the soundless weeping that I am doing right now.
I don't know how many of you know people that within the space of 1 minute can kill the good mood you have been working all day to maintain against them and whatever issues they may be trying to make yours. Well all my happy has been shattered and I'm sitting at my computer crying and trying to not be noticed. I'm never sure what to do with my self when things like this happen. I feel alone and lost and kinda worthless. And I know I have friends that would and will tell me I'm not but that doesn't make the feeling go away and none of them are here right now anyway. So stuck in my sorrow I will be until something happens to change it. I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore. I'm trapped in a life that I never really wanted to begin with. I have no goals or dreams to chase. No ambition to become more or better than what I am right now. The only reason I didn't kill myself years ago was because it would make other people sad or angry and I don't like making my friends cry. So here I am, ignoring myself yet again. My wants, my needs, my well being and health... all because I really don't want any of it. I don't believe in god because if he were I wouldn't be here. I would have gotten to stay dead when I was born like it should have been. But nooooo people had to come in and ******** with the course of nature, keep me in a tent for 2 months and then almost have to take me back because I didn't want to eat. I wasn't meant for this, I have never felt like I belonged anywhere or with anyone. Even when I'm happiest I would be okay with dropping dead right there. It doesn't matter. I don't even want to make a difference much less think I actually can. I don't get why people insist that those who don't want to be alive have to be. What is wrong with an early death of some one who refuses to contribute to society on the grounds that they hate it as a whole. 1,000's of people die every day, but do I ever get to be one of them? Nooooo. I do not. And frankly that blows donkey d**k.
I would be okay if the world ended and took me right along with it. I can deal with that. But living day after day in a world I hate and people whom I am just as fond of, just doesn't seem fair or right to me...
Who knows maybe I am nuts and need to be locked up for my own good. But to be honest I don't think it would help much...It hasn't thus far and I figure if it was going to do anything it would have at least started by now.

Well that is going to be all the emo sounding crap you will hear from me tonight. If you have anything rude or sarcastic to say about it just tell it to your screen and keep it off mine thank you.