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Well she finally decided to leave me. I do blame myself for alot of things. I wish I could have been a better husband, father, person. I have reached my point of weakness. Come this friday I am drinking myself to a point where I cant stand up. It hurts emotionally finally coming to this point in my life but I cant do it anymore. I am done with it all I will miss seeing my children growing up but that is something they wont ever have to remember since they are all so young. In do time my face will dissapear and everyone will remember me as a simple breeze in the air. non existant. Invisable to all. As long as everyone in the world is content I guess I have no unfinished business being on earth as a spirit. I would rather doom myself to pergatory. I just want to be alone at this point in time.