Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals


View User's Journal

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal
Are you ready?
January 28th, 2011
8:02 AM

I never thought in a million years that I'd ever be an Armywife. Doomed, condemned, and sometimes even forced to wait forever for their beloved to return only to watch them walk away again, time and time again. I always admired their strength. Like the wife of a spartan warrior, who always watched her treasured sons, fathers, grandfathers, and brothers march off into certain death without shedding a single tear. That to me was true strength. The kind of strength that I wish I had. But I never wanted to live a life like that. I thought I wasn't strong enough to be able to live that way. To be able to endure all the sour fruits that the world had to offer and never falter. I just couldn't and I was certain that it would never happen. "What are the chances," I told myself, "that I'll become the wife of some military obsessed nutcase? Surely even if they wanted to leave, I'll be enough to keep him here, right?"

Turns out that fate had something in store for me. The day when the man I fell in love with years ago told me that he was going to run off and join the Army, I thought it was ridiculous. At first I didn't believe him and I dismissed it, but I could tell how serious he was about it. Every time he spoke, there was a hint that no matter what, joining the Army is what he wanted to do, and absolutely nothing, not even the people he loved more than anything else in the entire world, would get in his way and stop him. It was inevitable. No amount of tears or begging would sway him. He was a man who was as stubborn as a mule who had made up his mind. At that point it would be like trying to stop a speeding train all by yourself. It was hopeless. Futile. Fruitless!

Of course I was heartbroken. At first I hated him. I felt like he was abandoning everything and everyone who cared about him for his own selfish needs. I cried for days. So much that I had completely exhausted myself and all the tears that could fall from my eyes. Even if I wanted to keep crying, my eyes were bone dry. I just didn't have the strength to cry anymore.
He insisted that it was something that he wanted to do. In time, I accepted it, though I had to go through great lengths just to not even think about it and all the sad, lonely days to come. Even now, when I think about how lonely I'll be, tears well up in my eyes. I thought about all the holidays I would spend alone. I thought about what I would do on each Valentine's Day for the next 5 years. I would spend it alone and bitter while the rest of the world celebrated their mad love together. I thought about how I would spend my birthday alone. How I'd spend his birthday alone. Even on our anniversaries, I would spend it alone, laying on my big empty bed, content with only being able to wish my other half a happy anniversary if I could even reach him if he weren't too busy for me. And New Years...everyone would have someone to kiss and I'll be within that small group who had no one to be with.

It's so frustrating thinking about it. I lost so much sleep because of those dumb thoughts and I thought God cruel to count me among the ranks of Armywives.

I suppose now is my chance to achieve that strength that I admired so much in an Armywife. Everyone thought I would fail. Even my own mother who is supposed to help me through this thought I would fail. But I'll prove them all wrong. I'm just as capable of waiting as any other Armywife out there and it's insulting that no one else believes that. Things didn't turn out the way I had planned. I became what I never wanted to be. But it's okay. I'll make this work somehow. I love him and trust him and I'll wait forever if I must, as foolish as that sounds. I have hope that things will be all right in the end in this tragic, play-like, yet beautiful life of an Armywife.

Community Member
  • [04/11/11 03:42am]
  • [03/27/11 02:34am]
  • [02/28/11 03:11pm]
  • [01/31/11 07:43pm]
  • [01/28/11 02:00pm]
  • [03/18/10 03:23pm]
  • [02/19/10 03:08am]
  • [02/18/10 02:06am]
  • [12/15/09 04:10am]
  • [03/18/05 12:53am]

    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games
    Play with GCash
    Play with Platinum