my heart has been broken up into millions of piceses. idk what to do with myself anymore. its like what ever i do i ******** it up. i have nightmares at the middle of the night about all these depression problems im facing. im lossing to much people, afraid that im being stalk every minute which is why i have a knife in my room, my family thinks good of me like i can be going to college and that im smart which im not. they expect things from me that i cant do but i try to do it. grandma might be dieing, friend moved away, dad lieing to me now days, things i have to hide from my mom them ends up with me lieing, my moms boyfriend tried taking off my clothes one time, i feel like theres no where thats safe for me anymore. its like i dont think i have any protection over me anymore expect for god. and gez i dont know what the hell im doing with myself. i might be still in love with xacher. i dont know. so many people, so many deaths, too much heart breaking things i gotta live with. but its in my so called life (******** up life ill say) and that i just gotta deal with it then. im making the stupidest choices in my life so bad i think no one cares about me anymore. i mean why should they? im just a girl. a human. and a living creature. nothing more then that.

10/2/10