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SO HERE IT IS
(After six years of procrastination)

Someone once prompted me saying that I really should keep a journal of my thoughts on this site of my feelings... my ideas... whatever, really. Never before have I really felt the necessity to do so, because I feel that I would only be opening up myself to a public that I do not necessarily trust, let alone want to trust with all the deep inlets of my emotions.. Yet now, I almost feel quite the contrary. I feel that I would be doing myself a great favor to take a step to the side and present what is going in on my inside to people, and maybe take in a piece of any wisdom that they might hold... But to do something like this, there would have to be a starting point, and from what I feel, I can safely say that most journals begin with an entry describing the writer's previous lifestyle and past. While I am not prone to following the ways of others, sometimes the only way to progress within the right path in someone's emotions is to follow the trodden paths that others have taken, not to follow, but to learn.

And to think that I might have already TL;DR'd this post already, sheesh. Well, for those of you that are still attentive, I will continue onward~

My Life: Part I

I was born in St. Mary's hospital at 5:37 AM in Long Beach, California. (Good morning mom) I was born to two unwed parents, Gregory Edward Jamison, and Valerie Jo Harrington. My birth was a shock, yet something that would change my parents, (both of whom I have found to respond with extreme difference when confronted with a challenge) and my family for years to come. Now, allow me to introduce two of the major players in my life

Gregory Edward Jamison
My father. The single person that I hold the most respect for in my entire life. I love him more than anyone I know

My father was born in 1979 to Edward, and Guadalupe Jamison. He lived amongst a very large batch of 8 siblings as the youngest member of the family. His father died when Dad was 13, leaving Grandma Lupe a widow. He went about to live his life how he saw fit. Without any guidance of a father figure, and a mother exhausted with life, he was able to do just about whatever he wanted. He recieved a dumpy drumset from one of his high school buddies, and decided to take it up. For three years of his life, he would wake up in the morning, get a huge bowl of cereal and practice to his favorite metal bands of the time for 6-8 hours a day, then sleep away the time inbetween. From this, my father became a phenomenal musician, and drew the attention of several bands, the major ones being

-Frija: a heavy metal band my dad was in when he was 16. This band influenced Tom Morello to start up Rage Against the Machine. (Guerrilla Radio was originally Frija's song.)

-Suicidal Tendencies: My father played drums for them for the 10 months prior to my birth, and was able to help record their most famous song, "Institutionalized." He left this band when I was born (good choice of priorities dad ;D)

-Ruby Diver: A drastic genre change from Heavy and Speed metal all the way to "groovy" guitar and bass, and tricky drum beats with a female vocalist (my personal favorite band of his). I was the band baby for this group! (yay :3) I still talk to the members of this band every once in a great while over facebook. Paula Duke, Erik Hanson, My dad (duh), and Todd Sanders.

SO YEAH. Back to my dad's story... He met my mother somewhere between Frija and SD at the happiest place on Earth. No, not the Fonz's house. Disneyland. They had apparently been hanging out at the same place for a year in "Tomorrowland Terrace" (which is now the Jedi Academy thing) watching a really old band (by my terms) named Polo. He never met her because he was always in the back of the stage watching the drummer, watching his mad skills. One day, they met up, and that's about when their relationship kicked off. Only 16, and a long future ahead of them, they ended up having me when they were about 22.


Valerie Jo Harrington
My mother. I hold mixed feelings for her, for her behavioral patterns can be erratic.
I love her to no end, but there is doubt at times

My mom was born in 1979, only a month older than my father to Gary Reardon and Deborah Harrington. She lived a hard life... from her very early days to when she was able to leave, my grandmother treated her and her sister with bitterness, and complete disregard for their well being. She had to deal with my grandmother's drug addictions, and numerous "partners" who treated her like dirt. She hasn't told me much about her past other than she met dad and that her childhood was miserable...


Back To My Story!

Like I said before, my birth had a large effect on my mother and father. It forced them to rethink their seemingly bright future. My father discovered that my mother was lacking in compassion and micromanaged every descision he made as him cheating or being unfaithful. This paranoia is what ultimately led to their separation. Not everything about their relationship was negative, however. My mother learned what love was, and my mother was able to help my father grow up. She essentially picked him up from a messy situation and helped raise him to be a man and do what his father was unable to do upon his passing.

Who I would live with was a topic of much dispute after their separation, but it was ultimately resolved that I would go with my mother to live while dad went on to pursue the new person in his life, Carrie Miller. I lived my first seven years with my mom, and we bonded closely, despite our moving every few months and living in near impoverished conditions at some times. My mom met more guys, but never entirely got over my dad (she doesn't say it, but I can tell when they are around eachother) and never found anyone quite like him. She eventually ended up with Kevin Zuhr, who is a complete alcoholic and a*****e, but he has been able to help support my mom through the last EIGHT years of her life as she has trudged in and out of depression. When I turned seven, my mom was financially unable to support my any longer, and I moved in with my dad.

Unlike my mom, my dad found a woman who made him rethink his life. Carrie was raised a Mormon, and while he was stubborn to convert at first, my dad eventually came to see that there was much personal revelation to be found within the teachings of the church and its doctrine. Think what you will, but I love Carrie for bringing my dad into the church, I honestly don't believe that anyone else on Earth could make him as happy as she has. She has given him happiness, a family, financial stability... what more could a man ask for?



This is a long post, I know...
Thank you if you read, I'm going to add more in another entry some other time, but for now, I'm exhausted and it's time I go take a nap...