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Merlise's Notes
Take into consideration that this is my heart. Or a glimpse at it anyways.~
Slowly Learning
Hey guys! Didn't expect to see me, huh? :3 Well, here I am! Yup, I'm still in Texas, but I'm sneaking the computer. I am super ninja! >w> Well, I don't have to be that ninja to sneak a computer past two old people and a 13 year old punk, but details, details!

Hm, what's it like in Texas? Well, shitty as ever! biggrin Yup, I forgot how racist these white people are. >.>;; If I'm the slightest bit tan, the cashier stares at me when I'm walking into a gas station store. But the Mexicans out here are racist, too. The thing is, I'm not that tan. :/ So, I'm tan enough to be considered a gang member by the rednecks, and I'm white enough to be considered a traitor, pompous, up-town brat by the chicanos. >.> And my family doesn't even defend me! They're all straight from the border Mexicans! They speak Spanish and frankly, I'm an "embarrassment to the Chapa/Nunez/Martinez/Ramos name"! Really? an "embarrassment"? Oh, so you're only proud of drunk Mexicans who lay about at home with a beer belly that slap their kids and wives around, hm? You're only proud of the rich white kids who spend more time looking at a phone screen than at each other, hm? You're only proud of the meathead sons you produced and not me?

Well, I'm sorry grandma that I'm not an "upstanding fine, young lady". I like to open my own doors, thanks. I like to wear pants and rough it up, thanks. I like to knock around kids that badmouth my brother and my family even though you all badmouth me, thanks.

I'm sorry dad that I wasn't born a boy. I'm sorry that what's between my legs matters more to you than what's between my ears. I like being a chick. I like having more responsibilities than you men. I like having the option of having a child or not. And yes, I like my boobs, thank you oh so very much!

I'm sorry to all the rest of my family that one day you all will learn I am not some sort of tool for you. I like having an education. I like knowing that I made some bad choices, but I learned from them. I like being smart and witty and yes, smart alecky, but hell, that's me!

So, yes, I am an embarrassment to the Chapa, Nunez, Martinez, Ramos name, but you know what name I'm proud to call my own? My name. Natalie. This is who I am. I'm a klutsy, tomboy, sometimes housewifey, sometimes "cute", upstanding gal and I'm not changing for you or nobody else. You wanna know why? Because there are people that love me just the way I am. They don't want me to change. They love Natalie. And you know what? One day, I'll learn to love Natalie, too.

Why can't you?





 
 
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