Anyway, in this story I am telling you now, EVERY little mistake in this story is completely written on purpose. For humor purposes I leave them here and wait to see the piss stain in the front of your jeans, and wait for the jumbled words of, "It was apple juice form before" or any other petty excuse. Here we go children, here we go.
MY GLORIOUS ADVENTURE
I am reporting from inside one of Richard Simmons' cell. Apparently I entered at the axon, according to snooty Robin. How I git in here, I don't know; why I'm in here with such a diverse group of people...I REALLY don't know. all I can do is sit here and prentend to talk about things I don't know and make it seem like I care or I can just write a story.
I am aboard the S.S. Coripitelly(Which I made up in the 7th grade biggrin ) and in the same snobby useless teenage boy voice, "We;re in here to fine the cure to Richard Simmons' exercising disporder," and then Robin gets into a deep and intriguing rant about how it's OH SO important; thus causing me to get sidetracked and stare at the hideous looking things out the window.
My drewmates (crew mates) consists of Robin the boy wonder whose only cool gadget happens to be a cell phone with no, I repeat, no bars. 'Has cool ring tone though. Then it's Captain Falcon whose only use here on this mission is to stand around shouting the word, "FALCON" after everything he says. In all honesty, I don't know why we're here when we could be in his brains blasting away all the stupidity. Next it's Speedy, and if you don't know who he is (Which I'm pretty sure you do), he is the Green Arrow's sidekick, who is much more useful than Robin. But his only talent lies with the Green Arrow while on the job saving the helpless people indigenous to where ever. Here he just sits and picks at his teeth with his arrows that he refuses to use. Then it's Archangel and Shadowcat. Archangel had a problem with shedding his feathers everywhere. He claims no amount of support groups or drugs can save him from this horrible mutation. And I say to this, at least you don't have the mutation of super taste...At least you have a super cool super power mutation. He was fortunate, right? am I right? And there's Shadowcat whose problems lie in the creepy category where the moment she hears someone's pants zipper go down she walks through the door just in time to watch someone take their pants off. Creepy right? WRONG!
and finally, my favorite, the one who never talk, who never messes up an order at Mcdonald's, one of those white blob things form the Herculoids. He's pretty cool.
Robin controlled the ship, calling out our desitnations as if any of us gave a crap about what he had to say. This cell was something different. I swear to you there were shops and things like a city like Damascus. The kind of crap you would find in a movie made by some cracked up old man who never left the cramped up vicinity of the bathroom stall.
"WOW! FALCON! LOOK AT THOSE THINGS! FALCON! WHAT ARE THEY!?" I'm sure you know by now who could be responsible for this outburst of yelling. Everyone stopped and stared quietly as they waited for the last "FALCON". He stared back at us and finally, like some kind of reviving incantation he said real calm like, "Falcon...?"
"Ribosomes," robin replied simply. His forehead resting between his right thumbd and middle finger only showed one sign-he was annoyed. He rubbed his temples, as as he did this, the anti-body police grabbed the ship by the waist and said, "this is an unauthorized zone. Please pull over." I got out and showed them my shoulder and they let us off the hook. MY SHOULDER! How do you like THEM APPLES!?
Anyway, I paused to find out where I was bu then the ship took off without me. My spirit was crushed and I walked on getting my shoes stuck in the cytoplasm that wouldn't allow me to the walk properly. I went into a Cell Gas-station where I used the little amount of money left in my pocket (Because I obviously KNEW that they would take people money!) to buy a Slurpee and a Laffy Taffy. Laffy Taffy...?Really? Why Laffy Taffy? That's pointless! That's as pointless as reading a book in broad daylight with a flashlight!
Out in the open I was caught by different eye catching crafts, I was surrounded by the merchant world of Boutiques, stands, shouting salesmen, all that crap you find in Damascus or Jerusalem, minus the smelly fart scent of rotting meat or sweaty bodies out in the open sun. I wandered aimlessly, hoping to find the source of this problem before Robin does, so I could rub his nose in his own crap and make him smell it! Metaphorically speaking of course.
Then I saw her. the creepy looking thing you'd find on STAR WARS because she was just THAT ugly. She approached me and transformed into something like me.
"Finally," she gasped like she had been holding her breath for years. A smile split on her face.
"I've been here for over five years!"
"Can you help me out here?"
sure, I said. I guess. She threw her arms around me but I couldn't stop eyeing the giant N across the way from us. I told her what had happened and why I was in there. Obviously I knew all of a sudden that the source was at the nucleus...Man sometimes I think my life is just one BIG story and someone is writing about me and I don't even exist. NAH! I'm sure there's some logical reason reason why I all of a sudden knew the cause of Richard Simmons' problem...TAKE THAT NATIVES!!!
He(her) name was Sam. Not Samus! Not Samantha...Just Sam. she looked like she was dying, a skeleton dipped in yellow wax (F.C. reference). she looked the was(way) Joni Mitchell's skeleton would look if you made is(it) smile and walk around a party being extra special nice to everyone(F.C. Reference too biggrin ). she scared me,breathing hard the way and over weight woman would.
We stopped when a ribosome, anti-body, and mitochondria came out of nowhere to beat us up. Then! With her super ninja moves she took them all out one by one.
We made it to the nucleus where some kind of word(worm) with an orange afro was squirming around. It wrapped itself tightly around the nucleus.
"Oh you're a round fellow aren't you," the worm shouted excitedly the way you would expect someone who was born a male and is now a woman would sound.
It looked up and came to us. before it could attack, I threw the...Laffy...Taffy at the worm. Then it exploded and right as it happened, Robin burst through the doors. I pushed him and Sam and I left and my family waited for us. Then I told them that I left Robin and everyone else and they didn't say anything and then we had a party with cake. Richard simmons now had black hair, a beard and slouches in ripped jeans and greasy sleeved jackets. He sucks now
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