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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
very interesting
Looked through the net, found this. ********.

There also appears to be another category of trait lonely people. The main goal of these trait lonely people is ironically, to find that special someone for themselves. One of the founding fathers of loneliness research suggested that loneliness is “separation distress without an object.” What does this mean? From the time we are born we form an attachment with our caregiver (usually our parents). The caregiver becomes an attachment figure who provides us with a sense of security and comfort. Ever notice a child when he/she can’t find his/her mother? They cry, appear to be in serious distress and look for their caregiver everywhere. Is this not quite similar to lonely people? Some lonely people look for their attachment figure everywhere, and are in distress when they can’t find that special person to love. But why is that?

There are several possible reasons. One is that the person already had that special someone and they left (death, divorce, moved to another area, etc.) Another reason is that a person lacks the social skills to make and form friendships. Such persons might be shy or socially anxious. Yet another reason maybe the culture in which we live. Especially in Western culture, society prides itself on individuality and personal freedom. Successful relationships however require some degree of compromise. Comprise may require encroachment on one’s personal freedom which may not be desired. The end result maybe that you don’t find that special someone simply because that special someone is more of a figment of our imagination than an actual real person. A last final reason for people who are trait lonely and yet looking for that special someone they cannot find, maybe due to the fact that they maybe unwilling to let down their defenses. Usually when people are hurt in the past b! y people they love, they are more unwilling to be open to love the next time it comes around (“once bitten, twice shy”). However, to be in a relationship requires one to let down some of their defenses and be open to the possibility of being hurt again. Only then can true meaningful relationships form. But being open to love requires time, patience and perhaps “taking things slow.” If you cannot be hurt, then you cannot be loved.





 
 
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