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maybe this is how it was supposed to play out..

2 major red flags...

1. chloe said that she was still a bit freaked about living with me forever.. (I mean, we wouldn't have to forever.. but meh)

alone that's not a red flag..but coupled with this:

2. she said I may not be able to move when she does, because she doesn't know when she's going...

means #1 and #2 are huge red flags.. a warning.. but.. maybe this is how it was supposed to be?

Honestly.. if she moves first.. if we don't move together.. there's a very good chance I may just not go at all, and let her be free, let her be happy.. I know she loves me, but it's a very depressing feeling and all.. and.. so yeah..

If she goes to cali first, and it's going to be more than a month before I can go with her.. then I probably wont go at all.. she's free... she wants to be free.. and i wont hold her back.

I did my job.. I helped her in life... and if she wants to go on alone.. so long as I know for sure that she's on the right path now.. then I'll stay behind.

I want to talk to her about this.. but if the reason she's thinking about going ahead is because she wants to escape.. then It wont matter what I say, it wont matter what plans I try to make, because they'll crumble.

-stares up at the sky- I was staring at the sky thinknig this when she got off the phone with me.. she said she'll call me back, so I'm sitting, waiting.. thinking.

I'm very sad, very alone feeling.. but if I let her be free, I'll just be alone with the sea. x x

Update
Listening to: "She runs away" -- Duncan Shiek

Sent her a text asking her about it.. asking her if she just wanted to be alone.

The more I think about it, the more I may just move to missouri anyways.. for a while. Hang out with Kiwi, I feel pretty close to her. It'll just lengthen the distance between me and chloe... but..if it's what's going to happen anyways, I'm not going to stop it..

-sighs softly, hugs pillow- I'm just like a kleenex.. I get used for one shot, then thrown away.. it's not the people's fault, it's because of what I am.. I'm only meant to stick around for so long, help someone get on the right path, then move on myself.. I just hate it more and more every time.