What Wicked feels like . . . the trembling layer of fairy-dust beauty over a fear of growing up when SJB sings "Never Neverland" . . . the desperate, heart-wrenching sorrow of "Till I Hear You Sing". These sensations; the chills, the almost-tears, the audible squeals, the hand-burning claps I go through in this seat, looking at this monitor--they weren't lost as I feared. Ehe. I just overdid them.

It sounds so simple and lovey-dovey like that, though of course that idea has occurred to me. I was thinking of it just earlier today, actually. Oh . . . what were my exact thoughts?
No, don't remember, but I'm not typing like myself, I need to get into a more brusque character for this to be honest. OK!

As of late, more than anything else, I have been into anime. Massively so. For a while, I completely stopped checking theatre news, going on my leading ladies' sites; never listened to a single tune. The news I was read was Danny Choo, ANN, Japanator. My leading ladies were solely Canaan, Fumi, Kanata, Yoko. I ran out of my room on my iPod at last not for more live recordings, but a tsunami of downloaded anime music; some hundred can't fit and I've removed everything but music. To make room, I even tried to remove some of my live recordings. Wicked West End cast change; May 9th eve. It didn't work, I did it wrong and couldn't figure it out. Nonetheless . . . I tried.

Tonight, though . . . About an hour ago, I went to my Youtube channel to just go through my collected Favorites. The way I do this is . . . well, I pretend there's someone with me who's interested and I show them one video from the list visible without scrolling. Then we scroll down from the last shown there and select one from those. I'll tell myself occasionally to just watch them for myself; I have a ball anyway. It doesn't work, though. Not at first. We'll get to that.
At first, I totally avoided theatre-related videos and my invisible person had no qualms. The first one that strayed I think, was Backstagebroadway's Megan Hilty: Star of the Month video. From there was another Megan, then Wickeder, then Kristin Chenoweth doing "Glitter and Be Gay".

Quickly I came to the group of videos containing SJB's "Never Neverland"; the cabaret with Scott Alan and an introduction by Shoshana Bean. The video that on a previous entry, I wrote about having to pause halfway through and then wrote about not feeling anything. Well . . . At Sho's intro, I laughed, applauded, squirmed a little . . . When Steph sang, I wanted to cry as she began. Then I became critic and it was wonderful, and at the end, I was just happy.
After that it was theatre all the way. Eventually theatre became Kerry Ellis, which is becoming Wicked . . .

I came here to type this after finishing watching Dianne Pilkington doing "Popular" from several years ago. What a doll, what a talent, what a voice, what a song, what a show, what a bloody joy! Every Wicked video I've watched thus far has brought back the most incredible memories. The Gershwin on Broadway in the rain . . . it smelled of trucks, wet garbage, free umbrellas, and the most glamorous of all glamor. Erin Mackey and Jenny Dinoia came out of the SD and, no cliche--I truly froze, heart in throat, lost of breath, head beyond the atmosphere. I still rather think the old man waffling off to the right was PJ Benjamin who played the Wizard . . . I'll never really know, though.

Mm . . . Several months ago, when I was failing school epically hard, my dad made an a*****e deal with me. All subjects above Cs and he would take me to see a foreign Wicked. I can't be bribed or motivated like that. It isn't a matter of pride, it's detachment. Connecting work to reward, a reward like that . . . incomprehensible.
Well, just recently, I found out that I have all As and Bs plus a C in math. Revolutionary. Madness. Unbelievable. WTF? Of course I phoned my father, told him the good news, scolded him for sounding too shocked and then asked for a reward. He asked what I wanted. I replied; money. Which is a perfectly good answer! Being an otaku is an expensive passion. Many folks think us all NEETS--not in education, employment, or training--but, as Konata would have us all remember; money is an absolute must. I want OSTs, blu-rays, figurines, fans, pillow cases, all of it. The blu-ray set for the thirteen-episode series of CANAAN costs about $360. Mhm . .
As it happened, my dad was on the road to come to mine, my mother's, and sister's house right then. We went online and he bought me the three-disc, 101 track CANAAN official soundtrack I've been having wet dreams about as well as a gorgeous artbook from J-List; 100 Masters of Bishojo Paintings. About $100 together those were, I think.

Did he forget about our deal? Did I?
I don't know about him. I know that my sister mentioned it around him so . . . there it was. As for me; no. No, I didn't forget. It would be obvious the Wicked I would choose to see . . . the London cast change in five days. Dianne's last. Even striving to not think about her, I've stayed true to my vow of being ever loyal. Which sounds quite stupid, believe me, I know. XD Fangirls can do strange things! I'm very glad of it, though. Now that I've broken through my fear of lost passion, could I see Dianne Pilkington in the bubble dress once more? I've only ever seen her once. The first time. I shunned her, ignored her, made fun of the show, zoned out and was conceited and oblivious and utterly shocked. I owe it all to her.
I wouldn't want to, still . . . go. See her in Wicked. No, I think I can be very happy knowing just what she gave me from that one time. I will remain loyal and I will see her in The 39 Steps (She leaves Wicked on a Saturday, joins 39 on Monday. What a machine! <3) as well as Kerry Ellis in Oliver Twist.

I'm very excited for my artbook and album. I still want my $1,000+ list of anime merchandise. But now, I get to do something I've never gotten to do before. Be obsessively passionate about two things at once. No trade-offs, no drops, no fear of regret or fear to forget. (omgrhyme) I wanted to write about this so that when something happens and I begin to slip, there will be proof that it happened before, and then it ended.

Now I'm going to continue going through my Favorites. My invisible person has long since left; right around when I hit Stephanie, appropriately. This is just for me. =) I couldn't be happier.